As I unwrapped the pile of stiff, embossed cards from their tissue wrappings, I froze.
The details on the invitations were the correct ones for my wedding: the date, the names, the venue.
But the design? That was all wrong.
In place of the typewriter-style font I had chosen, the lettering was instead an old-fashioned swooping italic.
I knew I hadn’t changed it. And a quick check with my husband-to-be, Ed, confirmed it wasn’t him.
When I spoke to the printers to ask what on earth happened, the culprit turned out to be exactly who I suspected: my mother-in-law, Alison.
After I had ignored her sniffy comments that the contemporary font I’d favoured was ‘tacky’, she had gone behind our backs to tell the company – which she had introduced us to – to print them in a different font.
Needless to say, I was livid. But, for the sake of familial harmony with my new in-laws, I bit my tongue.
Harriet Smyth’s mother-in-law tried to micromanage every aspect of her wedding day. (Stock photo)
Holly Ramsay has reportedly banned fiance Adam Peaty’s mother from attending their big day
The couple, who are set to get married in Bath Abbey, have allegedly left Caroline heartbroken
Unfortunately, this was far from the last of her unwelcome interventions in the run-up to my big day, with her attempting to micromanage everything from the table plans to the bridesmaids dresses. She seemed to think it was her day, a chance for her to impress her friends. It was a nightmare.
Even after 14 years of marriage, my annoyance over those fraught months lingers. So when I read that Holly Ramsay – daughter of chef Gordon – and her fiancé, Olympic swimmer Adam Peaty, have reportedly banned his mother from their wedding, my first thought was: ‘If she’s anything like my mother-in-law, I don’t blame them!’
The couple, who are due to get married at Bath Abbey this Christmas, are said to have left Adam‘s mother Caroline heartbroken over the snub.
I don’t know the details of the Ramsay and Peaty clans’ situation. But I know that you don’t have to be some heartless bridezilla to not want your mother-in-law at your wedding.
I thought Alison was lovely when we first met. She was warm and welcoming, and it seemed sweet that she took such an interest in her children’s lives and asked me so many questions about my family and friends.
But the moment we announced we were getting married, that polite interest morphed into an overbearing determination to be involved in everything. That passive aggressive trick with our invitations was just the start.
I’d managed to find a lovely, reasonably priced dress. When Alison asked to see it, I told her I wasn’t going to show anyone other than my bridesmaids before the big day. She seemed disappointed. So, to placate her, I showed her some pictures of the bridesmaid’s dresses. She made a massive thing about them being too short.
‘Are they above or on the knee? Don’t you think they’re a bit unsuitable for church?’ she asked. I told her I thought they were perfectly fine, thanks very much.
Then she started going on about the outfits (yes, plural) that she was going to wear, including two possible suits for the day and a long dress for the evening. I asked my husband why she needed to have multiple outfits when even I would only be wearing the one dress. He just rolled his eyes and muttered something about her love of shopping.
Infuriatingly, she also treated me like her PA. With only a month’s notice she expected me to organise hair appointments and hotel rooms for her entire family, which ended up being incredibly stressful. I remember phoning around all these different hotels in town while also trying to organise the bridesmaids’ hair appointments and the final dress fitting for me.
By the time she offered to ‘help’ with the table plans, I’d stopped answering her calls and told my husband he could deal with her.
I told him she could look at the plan for the top table, but that was it. However, she kept chipping away at him until he sent her the full seating chart – at which she point she immediately started trying to change everything.
I remember arriving at the venue two days before the wedding and finding Alison stood there, table plan in hand, berating him, literally wagging her finger. I felt a flush of anger run through me as she imperiously declared: ‘You can’t put Julie and Frank at the back. You have to move them to the front, by us.’
At that point, Ed finally told her it was our wedding and we could do as we liked.
It wasn’t even as though my in-laws were paying for everything. My dad was paying for the venue and marquee, we covered the cost of the booze and my in-laws paid for the food. So I don’t know why she thought she could be so controlling.
It was made even worse by the fact that my mum had died a few years before. In the absence of her presence, I felt even more bullied by this overbearing matriarch.
Despite my growing frustrations, I never had a major confrontation with her. I was quite young at the time, and didn’t have the confidence to challenge her. Plus, I didn’t want to sour what I hoped would be a long and happy marriage with her son.
Thankfully at the wedding there were so many people there I hardly had to speak to her (and the champagne helped take the edge off), but I would have been far happier without her there.
Her behaviour opened my eyes to what a controlling, insecure and selfish person she could be – and, 14 years on, I’ve still never trusted her with anything since.
Harriet Smyth is a pseudonym. All names have been changed
