Is your Christmas TACKY? Etiquette expert dishes on the rules of silly season – and the outfits, decor and gifts to avoid at all costs in 2025

Christmas is the perfect time for hosting.

But according to an etiquette expert, it’s the small details around your home that can reveal whether you’re classy or tacky.

Julie Lamberg-Burnet, from the Sydney School of Protocol, said there are tiny touches you can add that instantly elevate your Christmas lunch or dinner for a more elegant atmosphere.

‘Create an interest at the table with your Christmas theme – mix it up for example with small gifts at each place setting, use different chinaware including heritage or family favourites and food dishes of various heights, colours and styles to add some luxury to the table,’ she told Daily Mail. 

‘Allow about 40 minutes for pre-meal drinks before the main meal is served, giving time for people to mix and mingle and so it doesn’t drag on too long and people get hungry or have too much to drink.

‘Serve menu courses in different indoor or outdoor spaces. For example, canapés or entrées on the balcony or in the garden with tea and coffee in another room or open-air space.

‘Create a welcoming festive feel in key areas of the house such as a wreath on the front door along with a beautiful fresh pine or ready-made Christmas tree.’

Invitations and guests

As a courtesy, it’s best to send out invitations well in advance while also respecting those who may decline as many have multiple commitments during the busy period.

‘As a host, consider that guests will appreciate knowing the setting (indoors or outdoors), dress code, date, start and finish time and the guests who have been invited,’ Julie explained. 

‘As a guest, reply to the invitation within one to two days of receiving the invitation out of respect for the host.

‘Remember the host is in control and guests should take their cues from the host.’

For those who can’t attend the gathering in person due to travelling, feeling unwell or being elderly, consider extending an offer for guests to join via Zoom or FaceTime.

If guests cancel at the eleventh hour, the author of Behind Your Brand – Transforming Your Life Through the Power of Etiquette and Protocol said it’s best to be ‘gracious’ despite the ‘inevitable disappointment’.

‘Send your regards and best wishes,’ she said.

For any reason, if an unexpected guest or a plus one randomly shows up, she suggested staying calm and ‘greet them as if they were expected’.  

‘Offer them a drink and introduce them to other guests. In the meantime, make an exit to change the table setting without drawing attention to the situation,’ Julie said. 

‘And as a host, be prepared with backup supplies of food items and gifts for unexpected guests.’

Dress code

As a guest, if you’re unsure, always check with the host regarding the dress code.

‘As a guiding principle, be relatively modest as you will likely be socialising with guests and family across generations,’ Julie said.

‘Consider the setting, the guests and the weather when making your wardrobe choice.’

If there is no dress code from the host, smart casual is the usual guideline. 

‘For example, for indoor gatherings beachwear of any sort is unacceptable,’ she said.

‘For men, a linen jacket, chinos shirt and shoes. For women, summer dresses that don’t have everything hanging out.

‘Remember “it is less about you” and all about joining in with the guests and host to contribute to the occasion.’

Table setting and decorations

To avoid a tacky Christmas setting, Julie said you should never overuse fluorescent lighting effects, heavily perfumed candles or room sprays, overly large floral or table-top displays that inhibit table conversation and difficult-to-eat food items.

When it comes to music, she said it’s best to avoid anything too noisy. 

‘Guests are present at the occasion to enjoy each other’s company and to be able to hear conversations without the distraction of loud music,’ she explained.

‘Dining is conversational by nature and music is an unwelcome distraction.’

To make things classy, Julie said you should start with a theme for the table setting.

‘Small touches such as handwritten place cards, menu cards along with small gifts at each table place personalise the occasion and bring ‘extra thought and elegance’ to the table, creating a sense of generosity and festivity,’ she explained. 

‘For a more formal setting with an elevated look, use fine table linen, silverware, fine crystal, non-scented candles and floral scapes.’

To create a more relaxed indoor dining experience, Julie recommended designating a guest to serve drinks before the meal and again after everyone is seated.

‘Use an array of large carafes for drinks, dishes with nuts and other small bites down the centre of the table along with a surprise gift, a Santa cookie, a memento, treat-filled Christmas crackers or small floral decoration such as gum leaves or a small bowl of flowers, all of which are great conversation starters,’ she said. 

If you’re hosting outdoors, create a holiday theme with graphic tableware suitable for dining.

‘Natural products such as paper plates suit the occasion and allow guests to help themselves to the food and drinks from a separate table to create a more relaxed feel,’ she said.

‘Shared food is easier using a variety of platters and plates.’

Food and drinks 

For a large gathering, Julie said it’s ‘totally appropriate’ for the host to ask guests to bring either food or drinks to add to the occasion.

‘Provide some context and make the guest feel part of the occasion. For example, ‘I am planning to offer a seafood entrée, Christmas turkey for main and pavlova for dessert. May I ask if you could bring along a cheeseboard to accompany the meal or would you prefer to bring along your favourite wine or other beverages? I would be most grateful, thank you’,’ she said.

‘Giving the guests a choice of what to bring shows you are being considerate of their time.’

If you wish to bring a ‘spontaneous’ food gift, choose either homemade dishes or a ‘finish at home’ restaurant meal, which only requires reheating or final touches before serving.

‘Choose accompaniments such as baked goods, chocolates, fresh or dried fruits,’ she said.

‘Consider cultural and dietary requirements and make the effort to bring along healthy choices as opposed to pre-packaged salt-laden chips, awkward foods such as dipping sauces, chewy meats, fast-food fries, chips, hamburgers and fatty food.’

Table manners

To avoid embarrassing yourself at the table, Julie said there are basic manners to keep in mind for the host and guests.

‘Don’t talk with your mouth full and avoid inhaling your food,’ she said, explaining that it’s best not to eat too fast.

According to the etiquette expert, avoid waving your cutlery around when talking and always swallow your food before taking a sip of your drink. 

She added: ‘Don’t be tempted to double dip into sauces, dips and communal dishes.’

Julie said overindulging and becoming loud and disruptive instantly downgrades the atmosphere of the gathering.

‘If the host senses a guest is overindulging and becoming disruptive, discreetly monitor their behaviour,’ she said.

‘It may require a conversation to lower the noise for example or managing the top-up of drinks such as offering alternatives such as small bites of food and non-alcoholic drinks.’

If appropriate, Julie suggested a digital-free lunch or dinner gathering. 

‘Inform your guests of the protocol for digital devices for both adults and children – make it a day without screens and devices,’ she said.

Never leave your personal items on the dining table, including phones, keys, purses, sunglasses and handbags.

Serving from the left and clearing from the right is the general rule to avoid awkwardly reaching over guests. 

‘Wait for all guests to finish before clearing,’ Julie said. 

‘As a guest, it is kind to offer to assist with clearing or cleaning up. Always check with the host as they may prefer you continue mingling with guests.

‘Don’t stack plates at the table to avoid a messy appearance and noise.’

She added: ‘As a host, refill water glasses, offer drinks, or assist guests without them having to ask.’

Gifts 

When you’re invited to a gathering, you should never show up empty-handed.

‘As a guest always take a gift for your host – and choose a small easy-to-handle item such as a lavender or succulent plant or homemade goodies,’ she said.  

If you’re planning on bringing gifts, there are things to keep in mind.

‘Don’t overdo gifts just for the sake of keeping up – measured generosity will always be appreciated,’ Julie said.

‘Remember to remove the price tag – when in a rush, we can overlook these things.

‘Keep in mind your host is busy and a potted plant for example is easier to manage than a floral bouquet. 

‘Re-gifting is fraught with danger… don’t be tempted to do this unless you know the person well and can pre-empt what the gift is with the recipient.’

If you’re unsure of what to buy as a present, Julie said you should always remember to ‘match the gift to the person.’

‘A thoughtful gift is a relevant gift – one that reflects the recipient’s passions, loved hobbies or life. Consider people’s interests and take time to select the most appropriate gift for the individual,’ she explained.

‘Present gifts beautifully wrapped with a personal note or card. Wrap gifts in boxes with a simple large ribbon for effect. Keep it simple and elegant.’

Julie suggested leaving an exchange card or gift receipt with the gift which gives the recipient an opportunity to change their item if they wish.

If you’re hosting a large gathering, she said the host should always manage expectations, including setting a price limit on gifts for adults or suggesting gift-giving is reserved for kids only.