I stared at a photo from a recent girls’ night out in horror. My smiling girlfriends, all around my age, 50, looked at least 20 years younger.
I had dressed up, done my hair and applied my make-up carefully, but there was no disguising my hollow eyes, haggard face and deep wrinkles.
Grief had etched itself on to my features. Looking at that photo, and at my reflection, felt like staring straight at the story of my life.
In 2003, at the age of 29, I found myself widowed suddenly with two small children, Emily, six, and my son Alex, just two.
The shock was immense. I moved in with my parents in north London, who wrapped their arms and their hearts around us.
Their love and support gave me the strength to move forward. Eventually, I found myself falling in love with the friend of an old friend, Adam, and in 2010 to everyone’s joy I became pregnant with my third child.
My mother, then in her early 70s, was thrilled. I looked forward to her being the same wonderful granny to this baby, Jacob, as she always had been to my older two. But soon I realised something was wrong.
She began phoning me many times a day to have the same conversation. Then she started leaving the gas hob on, or the hot tap running. Eventually she was diagnosed with dementia.
The slow, cruel loss of her mind was unbearable. I adore both my parents, but I had always been a mummy’s girl. My mum was vibrant, generous and endlessly kind.
Watching her fade away piece by piece broke my heart. The day my father, brother and I decided she had to go into a home for her own safety was one of the worst of my life.
Laura Gee’s before and after pictures. ‘One morning I looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh hello, that is the face I have missed”,’ she writes
When she died aged 80 in 2017 I was devastated but I believed, surely, I had now faced the worst life could throw at me for a while. I was wrong.
Two years later, in 2019, the unthinkable happened. Emily, by then a beautiful, bright 22-year-old, died unexpectedly after a catastrophic fall, leaving her three-year-old daughter motherless.
Even now, I can barely say the words. It was horribly traumatic for us all. We were all heavily grieving – perhaps even more so because the sudden nature of her death meant we had no time to prepare ourselves.
People often ask how I coped with this string of tragedies. The answer is that I had to for my two sons – Alex is now 21 and Jacob is 15 – and for my ten-year-old granddaughter, who came to live with me after Emily’s death. There is no falling apart when so many people are depending on you.
My partner was my rock. My daughter died in the spring and September he proposed. We married that December. Life felt too short, too unpredictable, to waste another moment.
I have learned to find joy wherever I can, I think you have to when you have faced trauma. I think about my mother and daughter every day, especially because my granddaughter is so like her mum, both in her looks and personality. But I know they would not want me to be miserable.
Still, every time I looked in the mirror, I saw the years of pain permanently etched into my face.
My prematurely hollow cheeks, deep lines and tired eyes were constant reminders of all I had endured.
About a year ago, I decided to do something to help me feel more confident.
I started asking the very girlfriends I had envied in that photo for their secrets, and to my amazement, many admitted to having Botox.
One, who looked particularly fresh and natural, recommended her doctor, Dr Ivona Igerc.
Laura Gee’s before and after pictures. ‘Dr Ivy made me feel gorgeous before she even picked up a needle,’ she adds
I liked that she was properly qualified, certainly not someone doing injections in their kitchen. Still, I was nervous. But Dr Ivy as she calls herself immediately put me at ease.
She made me feel gorgeous before she even picked up a needle. She looked at me and said, ‘Oh darling, you are so beautiful!’ and somehow, she made me believe it.
I was very clear about what I wanted: to look fresh, not frozen. I told her, ‘I just want you to take a few years off and give me my self-confidence back.’ And she got the brief exactly.
She gave me Botox, which I expected, but also suggested a small amount of filler. She explained it would help restore volume and bring back my glow and I trusted her to get it right.
To my surprise none of it really hurt. I just felt some stinging. The tiny pinpricks left on my face quickly faded.
It took around two weeks before I noticed the results. One morning I looked in the mirror and thought, ‘Oh hello, that is the face I have missed’.
My husband loves me just as I am. I am overjoyed that he does but while some might call it vain I felt elated by the results. My face could still move, still express emotion, but I looked rested, happy and alive again.
Having these light tweakments has given me my confidence back. Now, when I look in the mirror, I no longer see only the pain of the past. I see a woman who has survived.
Of course, there is always the question of how far to go. When do you stop? When do you let yourself age naturally, and will people be shocked when it happens? But for now, I just want to enjoy feeling so much better about myself.
In fact, a month ago, I noticed I was starting to look tired again, so I went back to Dr Ivy for a small top-up. Now I feel fresher and brighter once more.
There is no cure for grief, especially of this magnitude. But I truly believe that when you look good, you feel good. And any kind of ‘feeling good’, however superficial it may seem, is worth having.
It is all part of my hard-earned philosophy of finding joy wherever you can, and if that joy comes from a tiny syringe or two then so be it.
*Some names have been changed for privacy
As told to Leah Hardy
How tweakments helped bring Laura’s face back to life
By Dr Ivona Igerc, aesthetic doctor
Aesthetic doctor Dr Ivona Igerc says: ‘It was not about making her look different, but about returning her natural radiance’
Life’s shocks and grief can show on our face. When Laura came to me, I could see she was a strong and beautiful woman, but her face showed clear signs of exhaustion and emotional strain. The goal was to make her look fresher, lifted and less tired. Here is exactly what we did:
Microdroplets of dermal filler were placed around her cheeks and mid-face to lift and banish fatigue. As we age, the face can begin to drop, creating a tired look. Restoring volume in this area adds bounce back into the skin and subtly lifts the features.
Filler in the jawline tightened and defined the lower face, acting almost like a scaffold to hold everything together. This also prevents jowling and gives a happier, less drawn and downturned appearance.
Tiny amounts of filler around the mouth softened vertical lines and improved texture, creating a velvety, smooth effect. This also helps make-up sit more beautifully on the skin, something many women in midlife really notice.
Botox between the eyebrows and around the eyes softened lines and reduced the appearance of wrinkles. The key was not to freeze expression completely, but to restore light and openness to her face.
Diamond Lips, a gentle lip hydration and contouring treatment, added subtle volume and improved texture. Enhancing the lips while keeping their natural anatomy is essential, as symmetry and balance between the lips, chin and nose create a natural, youthful harmony.
The idea was to re-upholster the face, restoring lost volume so that light once again bounces in the right places. People often do not realise how closely glowy skin is connected to facial structure. Once the face hollows, the skin loses its luminosity. As the filler lifted and supported her features, Laura’s face regained symmetry and vitality. It was not about making her look different, but about returning her natural radiance.
Dr Ivonna Igerc practises at The Hale Clinic, Harley Street. More information: drivyskincare.com
