I thought nothing of my husband’s late night out with colleagues – until his ‘work wife’ sent him a text that made my skin crawl: ASK JANA

Dear Jana, 

My husband went out for work drinks last week and came home later than usual, but otherwise seemed normal. 

The next day, while he was in the shower, a message popped up on his phone from a female colleague – the one he always gets coffee with and refers to as his ‘work wife’. The message was thanking him for ‘sharing the bag’ and saying she’d had a fun night with him.

When I confronted him, he admitted they’d done cocaine together in the bathroom a few times throughout the night, but insisted it was nothing sexual and that other people were doing it too. 

He says I’m focusing on the wrong thing and that the real issue is just that he made a stupid decision with drugs.

But I can’t get past the image of them disappearing off together repeatedly. It feels intimate, secretive, and honestly humiliating. 

I don’t even know if I believe that nothing happened.

Am I overreacting, or does sharing drugs in a bathroom with a ‘work wife’ cross a relationship line even if there was no physical cheating? 

Lines in the Powder

Dear Lines in the Powder,

Girl, I would be so suss on this.

You’re forgetting one key point here – and I don’t want this to freak you out – but cocaine is famous for making people ridiculously horny… oh, and spectacularly bad at decision-making.

The fact they were ducking off to the loo together all night ain’t great.

Also, why is she following up the next morning to say thanks (which I’m sure she already did on the night) and let him know she ‘had a great night’? That’s not exactly a standard colleague check-in. That’s a vibe.

Suss. Suss. Suss.

You know what else adds a whole other layer of suss? The ‘work wife’ thing – we know they’re already close enough for daily coffees and cute nicknames.  

He didn’t just cross a line, he pole-vaulted over it. And then she made it worse by throwing an extra text into the mix.

She seems thirsty, and he seems dodgy.

Now listen, I’m not saying this is grounds to blow up the marriage immediately. But it is absolutely worthy of a good old-fashioned marital argument. 

Be firm. Set a strong boundary. And make it very clear that disappearing into bathrooms with female co-workers while off your face is not acceptable behaviour in a committed relationship.

Don’t let this man think he can brush it off as ‘just drugs’ and move on.

I’ve worked in the media industry long enough to see how these situations tend to play out, and it’s not pretty, dear reader. Not pretty at all.

At this stage, we’re filing this under ‘evidence to keep an eye on’ while we monitor the situation. If anything else pops up, then you reassess with a much clearer head.

Because cocaine, thirsty co-workers, and marriages do not go hand in hand.

Dear Jana, 

My partner and I have been together five years and were talking seriously about getting engaged. Out of nowhere, he’s started saying he’s ‘not sure he believes in marriage anymore’.

The timing feels suspicious because several of his friends recently went through messy divorces. 

He insists it’s not about me, just that he’s questioning the institution itself. But I can’t help feeling like the goalposts have moved after I’ve invested years.

Do I wait and hope he comes around, or accept that this might be a slow exit? 

Goalposts Moving

Dear Goalposts Moving,

Okay, I can see this question from both sides. I myself have always wanted a fairytale white wedding, but I am now at an age where I’m seeing friends come out war-torn from the divorce battlefields and it is not pretty.

Not pretty at all.

I can absolutely understand why he might suddenly want to avoid marriage after watching people he knows bleed emotionally and financially. Nothing kills the romance vibe faster than watching someone refinance their house to pay legal fees while arguing over a Thermomix.

However…

There’s a difference between questioning marriage as an institution and quietly changing the terms of your own relationship after five years together.

If he’d said this in year one, fine. People evolve. But saying it right when you’re approaching engagement territory does feel like the goalposts moving. And your anxiety about that is completely reasonable.

What matters now is whether he’s rejecting marriage specifically, or rejecting commitment altogether.

Because those are very different things.

Some people genuinely don’t believe in the legal framework of marriage but are still deeply committed partners. Others use ‘I don’t believe in marriage’ as a softer way of saying ‘I’m not sure I want this forever’.

So you need clarity, not patience.

Instead of waiting and hoping he comes around, ask him what commitment looks like to him now. Does he still see a future with you? A shared home? Financial partnership? Long-term planning? Or is everything suddenly vague and non-committal?

If he can clearly describe a future with you, then this might genuinely be about paperwork and fear triggered by his friends’ divorces.

If he can’t… then your instincts are picking up on something real.

You’re allowed to want marriage. That doesn’t make you needy or old-fashioned. It makes you someone with a vision for your life.

You don’t need to drag someone to the altar who doesn’t want to be there. But you also don’t need to shrink your hopes to keep someone comfortable.

Fear of divorce is understandable.

Dear Jana, 

I accidentally overheard my teenage daughter telling her friend that she thinks my husband (her stepfather) is ‘creepy sometimes’. 

She didn’t elaborate, and when I asked later if everything was okay, she brushed it off and said she didn’t mean anything by it.

Now I feel sick. He’s never done anything inappropriate that I’ve seen, but I can’t ignore what I heard. 

I’m torn between not wanting to create drama and not wanting to miss something important.

How seriously should I take this, and what do I even do next? 

Mother’s Instinct

Dear Mother’s Instinct,

Oh dear. I don’t like the sound of this either.

Not because it automatically means something terrible has happened, but because children and teenagers rarely use words like ‘creepy’ about a parental figure for absolutely no reason. 

That word usually comes from a feeling, even if they can’t articulate the why yet.

And feelings matter.

Now, before your brain runs off into worst-case scenarios, let’s stay grounded. There are plenty of situations where a step-parent might feel uncomfortable to a teenager without anything inappropriate actually occurring. 

It could be his tone, or awkward attempts at bonding, or simply the complicated dynamics of blended families.

But – and this is important – you don’t ignore it.

Your job is to make sure your daughter feels safe and heard.

Instead of asking ‘Did he do something?’, which can feel confrontational and make her shut down, try something softer. 

Let her know you overheard the comment and that it stuck with you. Tell her she never has to protect your feelings. 

If anything ever makes her uncomfortable, she can tell you and you will take it seriously. No drama or anger, just listening.

Sometimes kids minimise because they’re worried about causing conflict. Sometimes they don’t even fully understand their own discomfort yet.

If there is something, she’ll be more likely to tell you if she feels calm and a sense of safety rather than interrogation.

I would also quietly observe going forward. Notice interactions. Notice body language. Not in a paranoid way, just with awareness.

What I wouldn’t do is march straight to your husband with accusations based on one overheard sentence. If nothing is happening, that creates unnecessary damage. If something is happening, you want more clarity before confronting it.

Your instinct isn’t wrong for reacting. It’s doing what mothers’ instincts are designed to do – scan for risk.

So take it seriously but stay calm and keep communication open with your daughter – and trust that you’ll navigate whatever this is step by step.

You’re not overreacting. You’re being a mother.