We may live in a more progressive society, but the traditional notions about gender continue to exist. Men, for example, are expected to uphold their masculinity. The failure to do so may result in unjust criticisms, and the stories you’re about to read are proof of that.
This recent Reddit thread highlighted how conventional gender ideas can be harsh, and the guys revealed how bad it can get. For some, it’s being judged for expressing affection toward a pet. For others, it’s the shaming they get for crying like a baby out of grief.
Scroll through these anecdotes, a lot of which are sad. Feel free to share your own experiences.
#1
I don’t have a desire to advance on the career ladder, to have a prestigious job and a six-figure income (or whatever is the European equivalent to that).
I just want an easygoing life. Just being able to enjoy the people and things that matter to me and do a job that gives me joy and purpose.
Image source: ExpertgamerHB, EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#2
I have a physically disabled 10 year old daughter. Mentally as sharp as a tack. I have 2 other children as well. I’ve had some serious caregiver burnout here lately and there are days where I just go through the motions. Other days, I just don’t want to do it. I feel bad too because the way we connect is through physically caring for her and I don’t take much time out to be her dad. I’d never stop doing it, but I’m worn out dudes. And my other kids deserve my love as well. IDK if I believe in God, but if he exists… he’s kind of a [jerk].
Image source: Substantial_Sign_620, EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#3
I recently loss my wife to a horrible disease. I learned that nobody in my life was prepared or willing to see me cry. Literally not one person can sit with me in my grief. When I cry, they back away like I’m doing something perverted or shameful. It’s made the loss much, much worse.
Image source: Affectionate-Sort730, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#4
I love kids but not in a creepy way. My neighbor was the house for all the kids during covid and I loved hearing them play outside every day. All my friends know that I’m a great babysitter (except for the part where we have ice cream for dinner). My genetics and job make it so I shouldn’t have my own kids, so I just spoil my friends’ kids with loud toys and sugar.
Image source: FoxtrotSierraTango, senivpetro/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#5
Probably that I cry a lot. I live by myself and most times when I watch a movie, I’ll cry if something resonates with me. Even a little. I don’t even know why, tbh. Sometimes I’ll lay in bed and tears will come.
No idea what my damage is, but I certainly don’t want people I know knowing that I am a mess.
Image source: ChuNder67, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#6
I’m a teacher. People hate teachers. Worse, I’m a man that teaches kindergarten. That automatically gets me the side eye.
Image source: LostSilmaril, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#7
My favorite type of music is what people would consider to be “white girl music”, I turn that off when friends are over because I’ve been made fun of for the music I listen to enough times that it’s easier to just let them choose the music.
Image source: yeetgodmcnechass, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#8
I’ve been so damaged from military service/private security work AND just relationship betrayal, that I sincerely think I have a place on the spectrum of psychopathy.
My emotions when alone are non existent, I’ve seen so much and lost so many connections that I legitimately don’t care about anyone or myself anymore. I’m only pretending to have emotions.
I’m not trying to sound cool, I’m seeking help as of earlier this year with both psychologist and psychiatrist.
Image source: WeyuCorp426, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#9
I’m jealous of the fashion variety women get to enjoy. They can wear pretty much anything a man can, but also get away with a huge variety of dresses, skirts, etc. and get judged far less for conspicuous makeup choices like heavy eyeshadow.
Image source: AnotherStamp, senivpetro/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#10
That I have zero desire to have kids. The whole parental instinct thing is something that I’ve never felt.
Image source: Vinny_Lam, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#11
I don’t want to be a provider or “man of the house”. I’m already struggling and stressing out providing for myself.
Image source: zool714, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#12
It hurts when women assume I mean them harm.
BOW57:
It makes me feel sad in a kind of powerless way. I am one of only 2 (remaining) men in 4 generations of my family so most of my social circle consists of women. I see how men’s behaviours influence every aspect of their lives. I wish I could do more to make other men see women the way they are, as people: equal, strong, with a full and equal personality and sensible, developed brain and everything that comes with it. It is painfully clear that too many men don’t see them that way, otherwise they wouldn’t act the way they do. But I still feel sad when other women act towards me in the way they need to if they don’t know me.
Image source: hobanwash1, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#13
I recently found out my job will be ending in January. I need to move on and find new employment but I just feel paralyzed. My wife keeps telling me to “be a man” and it destroys me every time.
Image source: trialmonkey, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#14
I don’t want to work.
Image source: Awkward-Dig4674, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#15
I’m out as bi to a lot of people in my life, but not anyone I work with or most of my family and 2 close friends from grade school.
I don’t want them to rethink any interactions from years ago or view me as their bi friend. I just want to be their friend. And at work I don’t want to have to deal with the mindset of “Sure bro, you’re really gay!”
I think of I came out as bi it would change preconceived notions these people in my life have (I have basically all the societal enforced masculine qualities one could think of). And it would be freeing. But I abhor attention and making things weird within a group and don’t want to do something that would make my life harder and I couldn’t put back in the bottle. If I was asked point blank I wouldn’t lie, but don’t think announcing it is something I could handle.
Image source: whatisnthebox, egoitz_bengoetxea/Feepik (not the actual photo)
#16
I hate most men.
I grew up with a total softie of a stay-at-home father, and I am forever grateful for it. It sickens me to see so many objectively bad men pumping out kids and gleefully passing their own trauma down generation after generation after generation. They are the poison of the world, and they’ve built it up so they’re rewarded for it.
Image source: ahsop, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#17
I sometimes regret having children.
Image source: nikokazini, EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#18
That sometimes I’m not “fine” at all, I’m just scared that if I say I’m lonely, overwhelmed, or touch starved people will see me as weak or needy and pull away. A lot of us just want a hug, a genuine “are you okay?” and space to be vulnerable without it becoming a joke or a reason to respect us less.
Image source: PopUnhappy3693, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#19
I own a women’s sweater and three women’s T-shirts. They are comfortable as hell, especially the sweater. Got them because the options in the men’s section were ugly as hell and the items I got are not feminine looking, they could pass and pass for unisex.
Image source: Zeitgeist_1991, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#20
I hate sports. I work in health care and I hate all the stupid sports injuries that set kids up for life times of pain and problems. I hate how it pulls money from actual important parts of education. I’m not anti exercise but I’m anti sport. I hate how sports gets more publicity than half the other issues in our society. I hate how it’s the “only way out” for to many people. I hate that a stupid ball is more important than a book.
Image source: Happy_Twist_7156, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#21
I like wearing female clothes and wearing make up, and generally pressing “feminine” but I am not a woman, or trans. I’m essentially a reverse tomboy. I have no desire to transition, I’m in a loving marriage with a wife and two kids. I absolutely do NOT associate with LGBTQ+ or “drag queens” and I’m not a feminine man by any means. I do judo, i shoot guns, I’ve been to Afghanistan with the marine corps. I am a god fearing Christian.
I just like the idea of being pretty, in the way you look at a sunset or a painting and go “oh that’s pretty!” And not in the way you go “she’s pretty because she’s a woman”.
Image source: Busy_Professional974, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#22
I’m fine being single and by myself but oh my god i miss feeling desired by someone. I miss having someone to talk to, to share in small cute intimate moments and I honestly feel that it may not be in the cards for a long time, maybe “my person” doesn’t exist lol. Some days (or nights in this case) it gets very lonely.
Image source: Mike_-_Hock, rawpixel.com/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#23
That I’m emotionally [empty] inside. Nothing in the tank. Everyone in my life comes to me for motivation, or emotional support. I do my best to give them what they need, and I’m told that they come to me became my solutions work, but there is nothing there, no spark.
Image source: MehKarma, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#24
I’m a big fan of candles. When Fall hits, you can find me sheepishly smelling 30 different scents and lying that they are for my wife.
Image source: Jimbobdagr81, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#25
I enjoy drinking strawberry milkshake.
Image source: Fancy-Ad4197, KamranAydinov/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#26
How lonely I am.
Image source: snacadelic, EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#27
Being a submissive guy.
There’s a lot of negative responses to things like not being a bread winner or not being dominant in the relationship / bedroom. Ton of other stupid things too but if I was able to be transparent about things it would make finding a compatible partner a whole lot easier and I don’t think from a girls perspective a partner who cooks cleans and is more attentive to needs is a bad thing ¯_(ツ)_/¯.
Image source: icossalta, wirestock/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#28
That compliments actually mean a lot to me, even tiny ones.
Image source: adamfromonline, Freepik (not the actual photo)
#29
I think the mass market for “manly” things is stupid, and the reason men like the “manly” things are usually because they use to be made better or are more simple.
Image source: PiterDeVer, pvproductions/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#30
I like kids, in that i think their energy and enjoyment of life is a welcome relief to the gray world we inhabit. Say this around certain people and they immediately think you’re a [creep], sadly.
Image source: JBatjj, prostooleh/Freepik (not the actual photo)
#31
I believe a Prius is a perfectly acceptable and logical vehicle to own.
Image source: Crocodile_Punter_
#32
How much pain and how sick I truly am on any given day. My wife is not even aware of it. 🤷.
Image source: OkArgument4487
#33
It’s scary to walk around alone at night regardless of [gender]. Not all men are tall and strong and I’m not at all confident to fend off an attacker that’s serious about hurting me.
Image source: Blurrel
#34
Here’s a lighthearted one.
I loathe the fact that playgrounds are socially acceptable only for children. Why can’t I, a grown man, just chill on the swings or monkey bars for an afternoon?
Someone should make adult-only playgrounds a thing!
Image source: Mind101
#35
Pants suck but male fashion has zero alternative.
Image source: Noobs_Man3
#36
I like quirky stuff and cute mascot characters. I’m 33 and work in engineering and construction and I like putting stickers on my work laptop to personalize it but can’t help but feel i am getting judged heavily for that Chiikawa sticker when I pull that out at the jobsite.
Image source: Prince_Derrick101
#37
That while I enjoy doing the dirty jobs a man will do, I love having manicures and pedicures. I also love a good romantic movie. Also, makeup isn’t just for women. I can feel pretty if I want to.
Image source: xEyelessOnex
#38
I miss Project Runway. One of the finest examples of TV completion ever. I would actually bone up on fashion and sewing terms to understand what was going on.
Image source: Spodson
#39
That taking care of my autistic son makes me not want to live.
Image source: Greenfarmin
#40
That I am 28 years old and never been in a relationship.
Image source: AdUnusual9888
#41
Sometimes when I’m home alone I put on my girlfriend’s hoodie because it smells like her and I just sit on the couch hugging myself like a complete loser.
I’m 32, 195 cm, 105 kg, deadlift 200 kg.
Image source: Individual_Cold9820
#42
I adopted a cat a few weeks ago. I love this thing more than anything. I was starting to think I’m just a rock, incapable of having emotional stake in anything anymore…..but this lil guy is changing my life. I love him, and I would do anything for him. He’s currently lying on my neck as I type this.
Image source: GeneralPhartCaulk
#43
Fat women are hot.
Image source: SyntheticScrivner
#44
I once opened up to my partner about how stressed I was being the sole support for her and our 4 children. I was in a dark place. It felt like the whole world was on my shoulders….
She mocked me. Asked if I needed a “pitty party”. During an argument a few weeks later, she used it to show that I wasn’t a “real man”.
That whole “its ok to not be ok” is a great slogan, but i and many other men have seen it to be [nonsense]. Needless to say, I won’t be baring my soul to other people again.
Image source: Striders_aglet
#45
That when my wife goes away for 4 days to a week, the first couple nights are spent enjoying sprawling out in the bed…but the next two days are more “Ok, she can come home any time now” because it just feels…*wrong* that I’m going to bed without her.
Image source: Sarge1387
#46
I love drinking hot drinks with two hands.
Image source: JasonVoorhees3
#47
I haven’t been in a serious relationship in almost 10 years.
Image source: moffman93
#48
I like baths.
The truth is I like hot tubs and spas but I don’t want to drop the money on some huge fancy tub with a rain proof enclosure so I just take baths instead. My wife likes to tease me about it.
Image source: SeaTie
#49
I love decor and miss my cats when I’m gone for a while.
I’m a mid forties burly straight dude.
Image source: Veesel79
#50
I regularly shed tears because of music or movies.
Image source: TheAmazingDuckOfDoom
#51
I absolutely despise this society and I hate the fact that I have to contribute to it in any form just to survive.
Image source: ThinkingThoth_369
#52
I order multicolored sprinkles on all desserts whenever possible…at least I want to…not brave enough…I make my wife do it.
Image source: rs217000
#53
I’m in my mid 30s and I enjoy staying home playing video games watching horror movies and anime.
Image source: Karnij13
#54
Mean Girls is a great movie.
Image source: KrookedKreature
#55
That I also struggle with how to parent our special needs boys and you always telling me I’m not their dad when they’re my stepchildren who everyone else has run away from makes me feel [awful].
Image source: No-Cantaloupe-6535
#56
I really like Disney/Pixar movies, I enjoy cookies and milk over beer.
Image source: Tadpole-7
#57
I like plushies.
Image source: kamedin
#58
I still really really REALLY want an Easy-Bake Oven.
Image source: J-Daito
#59
That I fear losing the people I care about most, and it haunts me more than I ever admit.
Image source: rudorstic
#60
That I’m terrified of becoming a father. And I don’t know how to get over this.
Image source: Safe-Instance-3512
#61
I love powerful women, like strong body, strong mind, and confident in themselves.
Like pick me up, throw me on the couch get on top of me and kiss me first type of [stuff].
Surprisingly I’ve been judged for this.
Image source: RoboGandalf
#62
I liked the final season of Game of Thrones.
Image source: banditK66
#63
I admit it, but it seems strange for some people to understand that I like being a dad and actually like playing with my kids because they’re turning into cool individuals.
Image source: tidytibs
#64
I have like 50 stuffed animals from when I was a kid and if there’s ever a house fire and I can only save one thing, it’s them. I have a lot of emotional baggage that was softened by having stuffed animals in my bed when I was younger. The least I can do is be thankful to them.
Image source: RealVanillaSmooth
#65
I cry easily. Very very easily.
Even at stupid, obvious commercials designed to tug at the heart strings, things like that.
My wife makes fun of me, but I’m used to it by now.
Image source: usrlocalbin
#66
I have always enjoyed “girly” music. I was a teen in the early 00s, when my music taste became pretty well cemented. As much as I enjoy Tool Korn, and the other male oriented rock, when I’m in the car alone, I’ll crank up Michelle Branch, Paramore, and My Chemical Romance.
Image source: I_downvote_robots
#67
I love being the little spoon with my wife.
Image source: Patricio_Guapo
#68
I prefer sweet drinks/cocktails.
Image source: DistanceBoi
#69
Talking about my emotions and how i feel about things.
Oh and that i lost my virginity to my now wife, with whom I’ve been married to for 15 years, at the age of 26.
Image source: Wimry
#70
I’m pretty open with people about a lot of things IRL. I’ve been told I’m easy to talk to in part because I am so willing to share my smile and my story.
But I’m terrified of being truly vulnerable with people anymore. I feel like a fraud for saying that, considering I haven’t been in a serious romantic relationship ever, but I’ve been hurt by friends so many times over my life that I feel actual adrenaline-laden terror when I try to imagine putting myself out there and getting to genuinely know people.
I desperately want to be able to be a father someday, so there’s a conflict between those feelings of fear and desire for expanding my family circle. But it’s hard to talk to people about, double that when the few friends I do have treat it like a joke.
Image source: corkscrewfork
#71
Being bisexual, but heteromantic.
Basically everyone across the spectrum rolls their eyes or gives you a look of disgust lol.
Image source: Decker-the-Dude
#72
That I as a man enjoy volunteering teaching children and teens. Teaching kids as a man gets you the side eye, doing it for free means you warrant extra scrutiny.
Image source: greenmachine11235
#73
I love cutesy stuff. In the privacy of my own home, that is.
The most anyone knows about it is that I love hamsters, and that’s not even scratching the surface.
Image source: Ill-Engineering8205
#74
That I love my wife. The amount of weird looks I get from people after a group [complain]-fest about their partners, after I have nothing negative to say about my wife, is astonishing. It feels like the norm is, “that ol’ ball ‘n’ chain at home makes my life hell, she doesn’t cook, clean, and I never [get laid] anymore!” Hate my wife jokes and all that never made sense to me. Like, do people ACTUALLY not like their partners/spouses?
Image source: EpilepticSeizures
#75
I’m 54 and still scared of the dark.
Image source: jonniebaby2000
#76
I sometimes make mistakes and I am working on them. Pretty simple really. While I don’t “care”, it sure feels like everyone around me does.
I’m not depressed about it and I’m pretty happy with who I am. But… could the rest of you men get over it? It’s always other men. Always.
Why do we have to try to make people an example. Stumble in a speech? Why the hell is everyone so critical? All of you have imperfections too. Quit focusing on others’ and be a little more supportive.
Oh and I don’t like sports. At all. It’s the most boring and unimportant thing to talk about. I know others like it and that just fine. But I really have a hard time pretending to be interested.
Image source: thput
#77
A few things…
1) that I dont drink. I quit because I drank too much, pretty simple. But there’s this stigma that guys love to drink and get all messed up to have fun. I’m past that phase of my life but still feel judged when I say I dont drink
2) I go to therapy. It helps tremendously to have someone paid to listen to your problems and offer advice in a non judgmental way. Sure you can always vent to a friend or family member, but that almost always comes with judgement. So I go to therapy instead and I feel like it really helps.
Image source: Successful_Mall3070
#78
I hate kids. Don’t want them around me.
Image source: Weak-Bumblebee9978
#79
How tired I am…
I’m tired of working my life away and providing for a family that seemingly only cares if the wifi works, I’m tired of being everyone’s rock, tired of getting phone calls or text messages from everyone asking me for help to do things or needing someone to talk to but incidentally when I call or reach out no one’s available. I’m tired of pouring love, energy and attention into a partner that doesn’t reciprocate even the slightest bit of affection in return, im tired of giving 2-3hour foot rubs but when i ask for any type of attention “shes tired”, I’m tired of always feeling like life is a race I’m being forced to run and I’m always lagging behind regardless of the time, effort and energy I put into it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m banging on the walls screaming for someone to take notice that I’m losing a grip on things and no one seems to care. I’m tired of going to my pcp and telling them that my body is seemingly falling apart but all the test come back fine. I’m tired of telling them I need to see a therapist but my insurance doesn’t cover that. I’m tired sleep doesn’t fix how tired I am, I’m tired that being tired is tiring all in all I’m just tired.
Image source: Malarky_Bandini
#80
I can’t do woodworking or any other handyman [stuff] and I have no desire to learn.
Image source: JunoLaker
#81
I don’t have any desire to marry or have children. At all.
I know I’m young. This won’t change. I don’t care. I don’t like kids and I like my alone time.
But no I get argued with anytime I say this.
Image source: VoodooDoII
#82
I would love nothing more than to be held for just a few minutes.
Image source: Just_Fish2623
#83
As a gay man ive found it difficult to remove myself from “gay best friend” typecasting with a lot of straight people. It’s a nuanced conversation and I’m not jaded about it but it is something that gets to me often.
I feel like it’s hard to make friendships without my sexuality popping up in, what is to me, inauthentic ways. It makes me feel largely invisible and that I’m present to fulfill a role and not because of who I actually am.
Image source: spirit_poem
#84
I love Anne of green gables, pride and prejudice (the bbc miniseries with Colin firth is the best), kdramas, and so forth.
I hate watching sports.
Image source: e37d93eeb23335dc
#85
I don’t like going to concerts with women friends because it’s exhausting having to play defense and have random women hate you for being tall.
Context: I’m 6’4″ and my wife, her friends, and even their partners are max 5’6″. They all love running to the fence leaving me playing defense as people are pushing up and I have to stand there. Also usually a drunk girl that will punch me in the back for blocking her view only to realize I have several people in front of me.
Image source: Wloak
#86
I like Sanrio characters particularly Pochacco but rarely buy any merchandise for fear of being a weirdo.
Image source: thebadhedgehog5
#87
I am on dating apps with the intention of finding a partner. Someone to be with for the rest of my life… But in the meantime, I also wouldn’t mind a couple hookups.
Like. It might take me years to find the right person. I would also like to get laid a bit in those years.
Image source: whole_chocolate_milk
#88
I’d like a hug, please. Something, anything to show that I matter to the people around me beyond a money/labour source.
Image source: Thrownawaybyall
#89
Sometimes a lil nose pick booger extraction just does me right.
Image source: CommissionNo9486
#90
I’m okay with not being too ambitious.
Image source: ISeeGrotesque
#91
I’m a straight male who loves ABBA!!
Image source: NewOriginal2
