Gen Z: Did you see Jennifer Aniston hard-launch her new bf*?
Gen X: Has she sent him off to space like that silly singer?
You mean Katy Perry. And no, she went Instagram official with Jim Curtis, 50.
‘Instagram official’? In my day you’d introduce your beau to your parents over Sunday roast.
‘Vogue declaring having a boyfriend is embarrassing. What a time to be alive and single ladies.’
Well, the 56-year-old got 1.5 million likes and cringey comments from Gen Xers such as: ‘My favourite love story.’
Naww, Jen’s caption was cute, though: ‘Happy birthday my love. Cherished.’
Vom. Revealing your bf is social suicide.
Coming from the girl who posts pictures of her dog captioned: ‘The actual loml*’.
*Rolls eyes* Haven’t you seen that viral British Vogue article? Having a boyfriend is officially ‘embarrassing’.
That’s exactly the type of tosh I’d believe if I were 23 and still classing Harry Styles as the most important man in my life.
It’s a serious anthropological study, actually. Author Chanté Joseph reports it’s ‘cringey’ to share pics of a partner.
What’s the alternative: endless photos of avocado toast?
Ew, I’m not a millennial. Now it’s ‘desirable and coveted’ to be a ‘spinster with loads of cats’.
I’m starting to think that Chanté Joseph might be on Miss Havisham’s payroll…
The article got 258,000 likes when Vogue shared it on Instagram. One user said: ‘Having a boyfriend is a humiliation ritual.’
When I got my first boyfriend at 17, my social stature went up tenfold. Especially when he picked me up in his Fiesta.
What’s that? Anyway, another said: ‘High risk, low reward. Having a bf reduces your socio-economic status and makes you look low IQ.’
It’s hardly low IQ to have a man about the house. Someone needs to put the bins out when it rains.
Stop with the trad gender roles. Listen to 20-something influencer Abby Baffoe…
Who presumably proposes replacing men with emotional-support water bottles?
Silly. She said: ‘Vogue declaring having a boyfriend is embarrassing. What a time to be alive and single ladies.’ It’s iconic.
It’s tragic! Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned love story?
It was replaced by the ‘situationship’.
Sounds more like a military operation than a romance.
CNN confirmed that we invented it! It’s more than a friendship and less than a relationship, with lots of physical intimacy.
So… dating?
That implies commitment. A situationship has strict rules, as Gen Z influencer @PattyDelux set out in a viral TikTok.
Ah, modern love. More flowcharts than flowers.
Rules include: never make plans more than a day in advance, or learn their siblings’ names, and keep phones face down.
So you’re paying full attention to each other?
So you don’t see messages from their other hook-ups.
Disgraceful! What happened to commitment?
Jennifer is still embracing girlfriend status
So cheugy. First, it’s the ‘talking stage’.
Talking? That’s groundbreaking. Whatever will you come up with next?
It’s a step up. You text every day, exchange memes, and eventually follow each other’s Insta.
And that lasts…?
Maybe two months. Then you’re ‘seeing’ each other. Then ‘dating’ – but not official. Then ‘exclusive’ – but still not official.
When do you actually become a couple?
NGL*, maybe never. Over 80 per cent of women your age got married. Just 50-odd per cent of us say we’re likely to.
But there’s nothing like falling in love. Holding hands, rewinding mixtapes, praying your parents don’t intercept the landline…
Actually, I am in love!
Was this all a ruse to tell me you’re not interested in boys because…
PLEASE don’t finish that sentence. I am in love – with my internet boyfriend.
Good god, you’re going to end up on that Catfish programme…
An internet boyfriend is a celeb you obsess over, rather than a human you know.
Like me with my Simon Le Bon poster?
Except now there’s no desire for real contact. Virtual adoration is our ultimate fantasy – no red flags, no ghosting and no heartbreak.
Who’s yours?
Jeremy Allen White and Andrew Garfield are up there, but I’d have to go with Harris Dickinson. So dreamy.
At least he’s handsome. Maybe you can convert Jen-An after all…
Defo. When it comes to relationships, Jen, you’re best sticking to imaginary Friends.
The One Where… They Never Actually Meet!
*Bf = boyfriend.
Loml = love of my life.
Cheugy = embarrassing.
NGL = not gonna lie.
