Some relationships start with sparks, others with serendipity, and well, there are the ones that kick off because someone’s brother felt competitive and thought “dibs” was a legitimate reason to start a relationship.
No, I’m not kidding, because that was the reality of today’s Original Poster (OP) whose boyfriend casually admitted to her that he started dating her simply because he wanted to show his brother that he could get her. In fact, he called it his “mission”, and that left her reeling.
More info: Reddit
Finding out someone pursued you not out of genuine affection, but as part of a “mission” can feel like your world has been flipped upside down
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author was spending a week at her cousin’s place while normally living with her boyfriend of two years
Image credits: azuras7
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
During the week, her boyfriend frequently FaceTimed and texted, expressing how much he missed her and couldn’t wait for her to return
Image credits: azuras7
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
On the call, he then admitted that he initially started dating her to one-up his brother, who had a crush on her, but claimed he fell in love along the way
Image credits: azuras7
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He admitted that part of his motivation was to “bully” his brother and that he didn’t initially like her attitude, downplaying the deception as not a big deal
Image credits: azuras7
Image credits: egoitz_bengoetxea / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Shocked and angry, she ended the relationship, decided to move back to her sister’s place, and canceled her gym membership to avoid seeing him
Image credits: azuras7
She reached out to his brother to explain what happened, apologized for the hurt caused, and offered support if he wanted to talk
While staying with her cousin for the week, the OP FaceTimed her boyfriend of two years. After admitting to missing her, she laughed and reminded him it had only been a week, but that was when he paused and suddenly decided this was the perfect time to share that he originally dated her as a joke.
Confused, she asked him what he meant, and he revealed with a grin that he only pursued her because his brother had a crush on her, and then laughed about making it his “mission” to get her. For context, the OP met her boyfriend and his brother at the gym where he works as a personal trainer, however the boyfriend admitted that he knew his brother had a crush on her.
The boyfriend, though, saw that as an opportunity to one-up him. He admitted he didn’t even like her attitude at first, but still viewed getting with her as a fun challenge to tease his brother about. The OP was petrified to hear that, and when she pointed out how weird it was, he told her to calm down and that it wasn’t “a big deal”.
After his dismissive responses, she was left feeling confused, manipulated, and deeply betrayed. Ultimately, she dumped him, made plans to move out, and even canceled her gym membership so she wouldn’t have to see him again. She also reached out to the brother to apologize for becoming part of a competition she never agreed to and to acknowledge the hurt he must’ve felt.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The situation described in the story reflects patterns psychologists have long studied regarding manipulative and deceptive relationship beginnings. Emotions Therapy Calgary notes that relationships that start through manipulation or involve breaches of trust can have profound psychological effects.
According to them, victims often begin doubting their own judgment and feelings, questioning past experiences, and re-evaluating their understanding of love. Such revelations don’t just damage trust in a partner, they can shake a person’s entire framework for relationships, leaving long-term emotional and relational consequences.
Building on this, psychologist Sandra Lee Dennis emphasizes that entering a relationship with hidden motives like in the case of the OP’s boyfriend is a serious form of deception. She explained that when a partner acts with ulterior motives, it can compromise the partner’s ability to feel secure in the relationships.
Finally, academic psychologist RJ Starr also highlights another layer relevant to this story which is objectification. When a partner feels objectified, there’s already an erosion of trust and intimacy, and it becomes more difficult to then feel an authentic connection going forward in the relationship which is a foundational element.
Netizens overwhelmingly expressed disbelief and disgust at the boyfriend’s behavior, highlighting how manipulative and immature it seemed. They criticized his need to “one-up” his brother, and pointed out that brushing it off as “not as bad as it sounds” doesn’t excuse the manipulation.
What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes? What would you do if you found out someone dated you just to “one-up” someone else? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens were united in insisting that the boyfriend’s actions were manipulative, immature, and downright unacceptable
