Dear Jane,
A few months ago, I got inspired to sign up to run a marathon.
My algorithm on Instagram and TikTok kept showing me videos of fit women in their early 30s who, like me, had never run before – but, after signing up for a marathon on the whim, had fallen in love with running.
So I decided to give it a shot.
Turns out, running is good fun once you build up your base fitness.
But a side effect I am not enjoying is how exhausted I am all the time.
I run in the morning and then work from 9 to 5, so by the time I get home in the evening, all I can bear to do is eat dinner and go straight to sleep.
This has become a problem for my relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, and we have always had a healthy sex life. But now that I’m so tired all the time, we are hardly ever intimate.
He keeps telling me he’s looking forward to the marathon being over so I can go back to normal, but – I must confess – I am really enjoying my running era.
I want to sign up for more events, but I fear he won’t support me and might even resent me.
Should I quit running after the marathon to make sure my relationship doesn’t crumble?
From,
Relationship Runaway
International best–selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Relationship Runaway,
How exciting that you have discovered a newfound love of fitness. There’s no question that exercising regularly is good for you, not just physically, but because of the beneficial ‘happy’ hormones it releases.
It also helps with mood regulation and stress reduction. All good things.
However, the kind of exhaustion you are describing does not sound like it’s simply from running.
The first thing I want to suggest is that you make an appointment for a blood test with your doctor.
It may be as simple as a vitamin or mineral deficiency that can be easily solved with supplements.
As for how the exhaustion is affecting your relationship, I do think that when it comes to health issues that are affecting both you and your partner, it’s important to include them in your thinking.
Let your boyfriend know you’re going to the doctor to find a way out of this exhaustion without giving up a new hobby that you are otherwise enjoying.
Talk to him about how you can continue to do the thing you love in a way where he doesn’t feel abandoned.
In any relationship, it’s less about what’s best for you or what’s best for your boyfriend, and more about what’s best for your partnership.
If you come together to solve this problem, I promise it will serve both of you in the long run.
