The trick-or-treaters have come and gone for another year – and, with them, the one night when the rules for what to wear couldn’t be simpler.
No ambiguity. No group text meltdowns. No last-minute internet searches in a frantic attempt to avoid a fashion faux pas.
If only every celebration were that easy. Instead, a trend for nonsensical dress codes on invitations for weddings and parties is leaving guests baffled, stressed or embarrassingly underdressed.
Renowned etiquette expert Myka Meier told the Daily Mail that the perplexing outfit requests were being caused by hosts inventing requirements for their special occasions.
Meier, who runs one of the leading etiquette and protocol schools in the world, Beaumont Etiquette, said there were only a handful of officially recognized categories: white tie, black tie, formal, cocktail, semi-formal, business, business casual and casual.
Among the worst made-up offenses, she said, is the confusing hybrid called ‘dressy casual.’
People tend to take it as ‘polished separates, not jeans but not cocktail.’ Meier said the problem comes when guests apply the interpretation differently, leading to an event full of mismatched attire.
Made-up dress codes on invitations for weddings and parties are leaving guests baffled, stressed or embarrassingly underdressed (stock image)
Next is smart casual, which Meier explained was often taken to mean ‘jeans but make it nicer’ – a choice that can easily cause someone to underdress.
Another common call was mixing dress codes, such as ‘formal black tie.’
‘These are two totally different dress codes,’ she said. ‘Formal is less casual than black tie. Black tie means floor length gowns and tuxedos.’
Similarly, people interpret casual cocktail and semi-formal as interchangeable, even though they are ‘wildly different levels of dress code.’
‘Semi-formal can take place during the day, say for a 2pm wedding,’ she explained.
‘Think polished and dressy but with slightly more flexibility than cocktail and formal.
‘Hemlines don’t have to be as elevated or evening-focused, and tailored separates can work.’
For men, semi-formal means that a suit and tie is expected – but not a tux.
Meier said it is common for people to confuse dress codes – using ‘formal black tie’ as an annoying example (stock image)
Meier said people interpret casual cocktail and semi-formal as interchangeable, even though they are ‘wildly different levels of dress code’ (stock image)
For men’s cocktail attire, Meier said: ‘A dark suit and tie is standard but the styling and accessories feel more elevated’ (stock image)
‘Formal is a matching suit, for example, and traditionally darker colors,’ Meier said.
‘Semi-formal does not have to have matching pieces and can be lighter in color and more casual fabrics.’
Cocktail attire was strictly for after 6pm when there was a more defined ‘evening’ feel.
‘Dresses are typically shorter with sparkles, or midi with a dressier finish, and looks feel more polished and party-ready,’ she said.
‘A dark suit and tie is standard but the styling and accessories feel more elevated.’
Content creator Tori Moore weighed in on the matter recently in a TikTok series she launched called That’s Not a Real Dress Code.
Moore – known online as the ‘dress code girlie’ – said she was seeing increasingly absurd labels on invitations, such as ‘wedding formal,’ ‘restaurant attire,’ ‘old money,’ and ‘elevated smart casual’. None of them exist in etiquette.
‘Fake dress codes are becoming more common because people no longer understand what traditional dress codes actually mean,’ she told the Daily Mail.
‘Dress codes like cocktail, formal and black tie have become diluted over time.
‘As society has grown more casual, guests often ignore dress codes altogether, even when they’re clearly stated. This leads hosts to invent new dress codes filled with buzzwords to try and communicate their vision to guests.’
Modern weddings, Moore said, were increasingly becoming photoshoots of sorts, with couples often curating specific color palettes or themed looks.
‘I once had someone ask for advice on what to wear to a “formal autumnal (circus attire encouraged)” wedding,’ she continued.
‘When I suggested a long dress and a suit and tie (traditional formal attire) they said it “wasn’t formal like that.” Which leads to the question… What does the host think formal means, if not suits and ties?’
The video sparked hundreds of comments from users sharing the irritating and bewildering array of dress codes they had been given on wedding and party invitations – including ‘garden party formal’, ‘black tie creative’, ‘mountain formal’, ‘casual cocktail’, ‘semi-formal/cowboy church’, ‘vacation formal’ and even ‘athletic formal’. Others demanded that ‘black tie optional’ be banned altogether.
‘Women have enough levels to our attire… we don’t need these made-up dress codes confusing us more,’ one commenter wrote.
Another admitted she confronts the source directly: ‘Oh, I message the bride and ask. If you’re going to have a confusing dress code, I’m going to annoy you.’
A third complained: ‘I’ve been invited to so many weddings recently that are ‘formal cocktail’. I’m like, which is it?! Formal or cocktail?’
‘If you ask me to dress ‘old money’ I’m showing up in historically accurate 1800s costume,’ joked another.
And one woman summed up the collective exhaustion: ‘I just went to a wedding that was ‘semi-formal garden party cocktail’ and I nearly crashed out.’
Perhaps the bottom line is that Halloween is the only night when anything goes. For everything else, the clarity of real dress codes never goes out of style.
