At the beginning of 2025, I realised I’d hit a disconcerting personal milestone as a decade of being single finally caught up with me.
So my New Year’s resolution was to be more proactive about my dating goals, which can obviously vary for people, and fall in love.
I wiped the dust off my Bumble profile, swiped left and right with a renewed purpose, and even set up a first date! On a weekday! I was on a roll…until the excitement gave way to such crippling anxiety, I found myself drafting an apology for cancelling on him last minute. I’d deleted my account before he could reply.
Lots has been written about dating after a long relationship but less about finding love after a prolonged period of singlehood. What I quickly realised was that it’s a lot like running a marathon without the right training.
It can leave you winded.
In theory, diving back into the dating pool in the age of the apps has never been easier – but putting yourself out there is a lot harder in practice.
So, I decided to turn to another app to take stock of my skills by asking an Instagram dating expert out on a mock date and letting him critique my banter, table manners, and eye contact – all in service of helping me land a second (and third, and fourth) date with the right person.
And that is precisely how I found myself en route to an ultra-glamourous bar in Soho, where Tom Stroud – a hunky reality TV star-turned-relationship podcaster – was sat waiting for me on a rainy February evening.
My New Year’s resolution was to be more proactive about my dating goals, which can obviously vary for people, and fall in love. Pictured: Maanya with former Love is Blind UK star and dating expert Tom Stroud
Maanya and Tom at stunning Soho bar Bancone for their fake ‘first date’
Luckily, Tom, 40, knows a thing or two about extreme dating.
The London-based PR executive was among the British singletons looking for their soulmates on Love Is Blind UK after the smash hit American reality TV series travelled across the pond.
Fans will remember he fell in love with – and proposed to – fellow contestant Maria Benkh ‘sight unseen’ in the show’s infamous pods before they embarked on a tumultuous courtship that ultimately ended in heartbreak.
Since his time on the show ended, Tom has channelled a deep curiousity about modern-day relationship dynamics and male behaviour into producing social media content that has earned him over 130,000 followers across platforms.
He’s also been recruited by Bumble as one of the dating app’s UK ambassadors and, as of last month, Tom is the co-host of a brand new podcast called Why Do Men that explores the many pitfalls of love, sex, and romance in 2025.
I was revising his credentials and practicing the delivery of what I thought was a passably funny opener (“At least there was no way you could be a catfish!”), when I spotted Tom seated at a booth in Bancone – our gorgeous venue for the evening.
I don’t know whether it was the daunting prospect of flirting with a dating expert, the overwhelming sexiness of the bar we’re meeting at, the fact that I’m 11 minutes late, or that Tom doesn’t seem to mind at all, but I promptly knocked the vase off our table.
It turned out my nervousness was a better ice-breaker than any one-liner I could have come up with, and we were off!
The London-based PR executive was among the British singletons looking for their soulmates on Love Is Blind UK after the smash hit American reality TV series travelled across the pond
Since his time on the show ended, Tom has channelled a deep curiousity about modern-day relationship dynamics and male behaviour into producing social media content that has earned him over 130,000 followers across platforms
Tom also been recruited by Bumble as one of the dating app’s UK ambassadors and, as of last month, Tom is the co-host of a brand new podcast called Why Do Men that explores the many pitfalls of love, sex, and romance in 2025
Tom shared his best advice for landing a second date if you’ve been out of the game for a long time
Over the next 45 minutes, I tried to forget everything Instagram has already told me about Tom and asked him about his family, a recent sun-soaked holiday to Cape Town, whether he was still friends with Maria, pet peeves, green flags, and even whether he wants children.
Tom reciprocated with questions of his own – asking about my life in London after having grown up in New Delhi, India, how the dating scene varied between the two cities, my biggest turn-ons (and turn-offs) – as our conversation fell into an easy rhythm.
By the time my phone’s timer went off, I had half-forgotten we were only fake dating each other.
Tom, on the other hand, had his notes ready.
‘In the spirit of our conversation – and not seeking your validation, Maanya – I am going to give you some bad feedback,’ he declared, as I took a big sip of my Orange Blossom Negroni and braced for the worst.
Tom said that while I brought a slightly ‘chaotic energy’ that some men might find off-putting, he found my nervousness ‘endearing’.
‘It came through a lot but the fact that you were open and honest about it, is a positive thing,’ he continued.
Tom, however, suggested trying to work through my nerves before a first date might help my chances of landing a second one with someone who doesn’t find my clumsiness with glassware as compelling as he did.
While I tried not to focus on the fact that, over the course of our date, Tom had not only reordered his Old Fashioned but also suggested sharing two starters – I admit I felt a tinge of pride in that moment. If only this was a real date!
‘It’s about internally reminding yourself that a first date isn’t about trying to impress someone else, or catering to what they care about and being somebody for them, it’s about being authentic to yourself.’
After years of trying to force-fit myself into the mould of conventional attractiveness, which for a large part of my 20s meant being the ‘cool girl’, it was disarming to have to be reminded my needs are just as important as any prospective partner’s.
Another easy way to reassure yourself before a first date is giving yourself an exit strategy.
‘Never have dinner on a first date,’ Tom explained. ‘Instead, go for a coffee and a walk because a coffee and a walk is 20 minutes.
‘I think a good first date is something that might take 20 minutes but, if it goes well, you can have it as long as you want.’
While I tried not to focus on the fact that, over the course of our date, Tom had not only reordered his Old Fashioned but also suggested sharing two starters – I admit I felt a tinge of pride in that moment. If only this was a real date!
This satisfaction quickly dissipated when Tom pointed out that my flirting style, frankly rather unhelpfully, doesn’t convey any sort of attraction.
‘My interpretation was that your way of flirting was through fun and banter – having a bit of a laugh – but it’s okay to make it clear to someone that you find them attractive in a slightly more overt way.’
Data released recently by Bumble revealed a majority of women (59 per cent of those surveyed) is looking for a partner who brings emotional stability – someone who’s emotionally dependable, steady, and know what they want in life
Another one of my first date failings, according to Tom, was mentally mapping our conversation – before it played out.
‘You were paying attention to what I was saying, but it also felt like you were already thinking about the natural evolution of that strand of conversation so there wasn’t any awkward silence.’
Instead, he said, it’s okay – and even preferable, sometimes – to allow a moment to linger on a first date.
As our eyes met – and almost on cue – I jumped to my next question and asked whether he thinks there are any topics that should be off-limits on a first date.
‘For me, intent is okay,’ he replied. ‘If you asked me “What are you looking for?” and I said, “A shag”, and that didn’t align with what you were looking for, that’s okay.
‘I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking that question on a first date.’
Data released recently by Bumble revealed a majority of women (59 per cent of those surveyed) is looking for a partner who brings emotional stability – someone who’s emotionally dependable, steady, and know what they want in life.
And this works both ways, Tom continued. ‘It all ties into intentional dating and nopt being afraid to ask the big questions early on.’
Ultimately, first dates – and indeed long-term relationships – should be fun, said Tom
However, there are some topics he thinks shouldn’t be broached on a first date – things like finances or past relationships.
‘The level of openness on a first date varies by generation, but I do believe younger daters are often quicker to dive into deeper topics because they value authenticity and transparency more,’ he added.
Ultimately, first dates – and indeed long-term relationships – should be fun.
As I drain my glass, a sort of negroni-laced clarity washed over me as I found myself telling Tom: ‘You’re potentially getting in your own way if you’re focussed more on ticking boxes and trying to be someone’s perfect match rather than just having a good time with them.’
‘Very good,’ he smiled back, as I wondered what it meant that our fake date was probably the most fun I’d had in a long time.
Expert speak
Since my ‘date’ with Tom, I also went to Married At First Sight star Paul Brunson – whose new book Keep Love: 21 Truths for a Long-Lasting Relationship is out now – and TikTok dating coach Jacob Lucas for their best advice on nailing a first date.
Here’s what they said:
Paul Brunson
Married at First Sight star and bestselling author Paul Brunson
1. Common first date mistakes: Talking too much about yourself; Bringing negativity in the form of complaints about exes, work, or life; Not being present in the moment; Overcompensating or trying too hard to impress.
2. First date ice breakers: ‘What’s a random passion of yours that people wouldn’t expect?’, ‘What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?’, If you had unlimited time and money, what would you do for a year?’
3. First date red flags to watch out for: Emotional unavailability, disrespect (rude to waitstaff, dismissing your opinions), zero curiousity, about you, over-sharing about past relationships, and inconsistencies.
4. Simple first date mindset switches you can make now:
– Stop performing and start receiving; you don’t have to earn love. Let them show up for you.
– Drop the ‘type’, upgrade the standard; attraction shifts when self-worth rises.
– Date with curiosity, not expectation; approach dating like discovery, not a job interview.
– Own your ‘no’; boundaries aren’t barriers, they’re filters for the right person.
– Romanticise your life, not just relationships; the more fulfilled you are, the better you attract.
Jacob Lucas
Dating and relationships coach Jacob Lucas, who has over 900,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok
1. First date harsh truths: The more successful a woman gets, the smaller her dating pool becomes; There’s nothing more off-putting on a first date than bad manners – or being too money-orientated.
2. Body language cues that signal attraction: Playing with your hair, angling your body towards your date or leaning forward during the conversation, mimicking or ‘mirroring’ your date’s movements, and breaking the ‘touch barrier.
3. Expert tip: After a drink or coffee, going for a walk can help you get to know the person a bit better; some of this is because being side-by-side rather than ‘face-to-face’ can help take the edge off a date because it feels less confrontational.
4. First kiss on a first date? Absolutely alright. Sex on a first date? If you want a long-term relationship, no way.
5. Best advice for a first date: Know your non-negotiables and be honest about what you’re looking for; be your most authentic self.
