An American woman has revealed how a comment from an Aussie man she met on a first date perfectly captured everything she finds exhausting about modern dating.
Becky Perry, who has been living in Sydney over the past nine months after relocating from Austin, Texas, had only been in Australia a short time when she decided to try dating apps and see what Sydney’s singles scene was like.
Instead, she found herself confronting what she describes as a much bigger problem – a growing sense that many people no longer seem interested in genuine connection at all.
‘When I first got here, I downloaded Bumble to see what Australian men are like and I’ve realised it’s a global issue,’ she said in a video, suggesting the dating scene in the US was just as bad as Australia.
After going on five dates with five different men in Sydney, one particular encounter left a lasting impression – but for the wrong reason.
‘I decided to give some Australian men a chance… The last man was the cherry on top for why I haven’t gone on a single date since,’ she said.
The pair met for brunch and everything appeared promising during the first date.
‘The conversation flowed, he was funny, we had really good banter. He took me around Sydney. He played tour guide for a couple of hours after we had brunch and things were going really well,’ Becky recalled.
Becky Perry, who relocated from Texas more than a year ago, had only been in Australia a short time when she decided to try dating apps and see what Sydney’s singles scene was like
Then the conversation took an unexpected turn.
‘At one point he said, “I’m going to break your heart”,’ Becky said.
‘I hate when they do that. Why do they do that?’
She described it as a dating tactic she has encountered before.
‘I think they learn this push-pull thing. But I’m not the one for it. I don’t care for it. It gives me the immediate ick,’ she said.
‘So when he said it, I thought things were going so well, why would he say that?’
When she asked what he meant, he explained that he had just accepted a job in New York City, meaning he would be moving to the US within three months.
Rather than feeling disappointed, Becky said she was genuinely excited for him.
‘He told me he’d never lived outside the country and I said it was going to be a blast. Such an amazing experience to move to New York,’ she said.
But then he repeated himself.
‘I’m going to break your heart,’ he said again.
Becky responded bluntly: ‘You’re not going to break my heart because I’m not going to date you if you’re going to leave in three months.
‘He then said, “Okay, we can just be friends with benefits”.’
Becky politely declined.
Instead, Becky found herself confronting what she describes as a much bigger problem – a growing sense that many people no longer seem interested in genuine connection at all
‘No disrespect to anyone who finds a dynamic that works for them, but it’s not really my cup of tea. I’ve never been into casual hookups and, the older I get, the less interested I am in them,’ she said.
The man then appeared ready to end the interaction altogether.
‘Okay well, it was nice getting to know you,’ he said.
Confused, Becky asked whether they could simply remain friends.
‘We had a fun dynamic. You don’t want to just be my friend?’ she asked him.
The answer, she said, completely changed how she viewed the date.
‘This man, verbatim, without hesitation, he said: “Why would I be friends with you if I can’t f**k you?”.’
What shocked her most wasn’t necessarily the sentiment – but how casually he admitted it.
‘I wasn’t surprised that he would think or feel that way because, frankly, a majority of the men I’ve come across who are left out in the wild these days are very transactional,’ she said.
‘It makes sense to me that he would only want to spend time with me if he was getting something from me.
‘What took me aback was that he felt so emboldened to say that out loud to me with no consideration for how that might make me feel.’
Becky said the comment made her feel reduced to an object rather than a person.
‘It scared me a little bit, if I’m being honest,’ she admitted.
‘I’m glad he said it because I’d rather know on the first date than waste months or years figuring it out down the road.’
She believes the encounter reflects a wider problem within modern dating culture.
‘If you feel comfortable saying that, it’s because you are so comfortable in your position in society and you see women as an object so much that it hasn’t even flagged to you as a problem,’ she said.
While Becky stressed that she knows ‘good men are out there’, she said experiences like this have left her increasingly disillusioned with dating.
She titled her video with the warning: ‘Ladies, as soon as he’s an a**h***, RUN.’
Her story struck a chord with thousands of women who shared similar frustrations.
‘I was considering dating again, but thank you for the reminder,’ one woman joked.
‘I’ve been living in Australia since birth. I’m 32 and single,’ another admitted.
Some said they had stepped away from dating entirely.
‘I stopped dating at 35. I just turned 41 and I’m so at peace,’ one wrote.
Others argued the problem extends far beyond Australia.
‘It was so rough in Australia that I moved to Paris and it’s definitely not better here,’ an expat commented.
The reactions highlight a growing sense of dating fatigue among many singles, particularly women, who say they are becoming increasingly frustrated with low-effort interactions, transactional attitudes, and a culture that often prioritises casual connections over genuine relationships.
Modern dating is full of conversations about red flags, situationships and dating burnout, but beneath all of that sits a much simpler question: do people still see each other as individuals worth getting to know?
Becky’s answer came before the first date had even properly ended, and many said they had heard different versions of the same message before – that friendship, connection, and companionship were only valuable if they eventually led to something else.
