A 53-year-old woman has confessed she ‘forgot’ to have children – and ‘only realised when it was too late’.
Nadiya Bekar, from London, said partying, living a fast-paced life in the city and a ‘bad string of exes’ distracted her from making an active decision to become a mother.
Before she knew it, she was ’50 and lonely’, having had ‘no time to think about children’.
The aesthetic practitioner said she kept her feelings to herself out of embarrassment until she shared a video on Instagram and TikTok, admitting ‘I forgot to have kids and it gets lonely sometimes’.
Prompted by Christmas on the horizon, a time she says makes being childless more difficult, she was inundated by supportive women who confessed they too had ‘forgotten’ to have children.
‘In my 20s and 30s I was working hard, partying hard – we were all like that,’ said Nadiya. ‘I was meeting interesting like-minded people, there was no time to think about kids.
‘I also have had a bad string of exes. Part of the reason I never had kids was there was no man I would trust to have my kids.
‘I am not a man hater, I do take a lot of responsibility. I made questionable choices in my relationships, maybe my mindset wasn’t there so I never thought about kids.’
Nadiya Bekar (pictured), from London, said partying, living a fast-paced life in the city and a ‘bad string of exes’ distracted her from making an active decision to become a mother
However, Nadiya insisted that if she ‘gave it more thought’ she would’ve tried to find someone to have children with.
She said: ‘I think because I never picked the right men, they weren’t family orientated, really. But I never really cared too much because I was wanting them for a different life style. I know I would never have kids with those types of men.
‘I think maybe if I stumbled across a time and thought okay, let’s find a husband to have a child with, then I would have been in such a different position. I would pick someone who could be a father.’
Instead, Nadiya focused on her career. She explained: ‘I spent my life working hard to make my business, so I could pay off my mortgage in central London. I was just meeting the most incredible people.’
She also admitted that she didn’t necessarily ‘ever feel maternal’, explaining: ‘Since I have been nine years old I had always wondered why women would want a child.’
However, the festive season sometimes makes her long for her own family.
Nadiya revealed: ‘I realised one day my parents are getting old, my siblings are moving away – that – especially on Christmas makes you feel really excluded.
‘Even though I get invited places for Christmas, and do Christmas like things, I just don’t have that family base at home.’
Before she knew it, Nadiya (pictured with her dog Chilli) was ’50 and lonely’, having had ‘no time to think about children’
Nadiya said it’s usual for women of her generation to feel this loneliness.
‘I have had so many comments back from women who have also worked and not bought into the family life and they feel heard – I feel heard!’ she said.
‘I was nervous to post it but honestly, we are part of the “girl boss” and “girl power” era that gets women to want to work hard. We weren’t ever taking the time to think about kids.
‘A lot of women, the same women going through the menopause right now, will be feeling this. It is something about Christmas.
‘Those in the day that wanted to have children, they would go for that. The women that didn’t, they didn’t. I am proud to be part of the movement going into work, my era was great.’
The employment rate among women aged 25-54 is up from 57 per cent in 1975 to a record high of 78 per cent in 2017, seeing less women married, and more employed, according to The Institute of Fiscal Studies.
Despite her strong feeling that her work ethic caused her to be left without a husband and children, she doesn’t regret a thing.
‘It is just Christmas and Easter I feel like this,’ she said. ‘Some lady said to me that if it is only two days a year that you crave kids, and not the whole year, it’s probably best I don’t have them.
The aesthetic practitioner (pictured) said she kept her feelings to herself out of embarrassment until she shared a video on Instagram and TikTok, admitting ‘I forgot to have kids and it gets lonely sometimes’
‘That made me feel better. Plus, I wouldn’t turn back the clock if I could, I am happy with what I have achieved, the memories I have and the people I have met.’
‘It is just there is something about Christmas. I have been invited around other people’s houses and done lovely things, I just sometimes wish I could share it with a family of my own. I have my lovely sausage dog Chilli though – she is my fur baby.’
Nadiya said that raising a child as a single mother is out of the question for her.
‘I just don’t feel like I have a family unit, so by adopting or something like that, but you can’t expect a child to fill the gap, that’s not fair,’ she said.
‘People think its because I don’t like children, but I love them. I just don’t have any maternal bones in my body. Well, apart from my dog. I feel like a mother to Chilli.’
