A dad-of-two has vented his frustration after his dates accused him of being a ‘red flag’ for having a healthy co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife.
The 40-year-old man, from Victoria, said he recently found himself back on the dating scene following the end of his 14-year marriage.
‘We’ve got two kids together, and honestly, my ex and I have a good, respectful co-parenting relationship because that’s what’s best for the kids,’ he said on Reddit.
‘But apparently that’s a red flag now?’
Confused, the newly single dad said his co-parenting situation has been a major talking point during his dates – but all for the wrong reasons.
‘It feels like if the ex isn’t completely out of the picture, people assume something must be wrong,’ he explained.
‘I’ve been told I’m “too nice”, had people no-show dates, been stood up, and even felt like I was being interrogated rather than getting to know someone.
‘Maybe I’m just out of touch after being married for so long, but what happened to just being genuine and treating people properly?’
A dad-of-two has vented his frustration after his dates accused him of being a ‘red flag’ for having a healthy co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife (stock image)
The man said he wasn’t ‘chasing perfection’ but was just keen to meet a nice woman who he can spend the rest of his life with.
‘I just want to meet a good woman who wants something real – someone to build a life with, travel and maybe grow old somewhere in the country, enjoy the simple things, and actually have each other’s backs,’ he said.
‘Instead, the whole thing feels exhausting and transactional. So honestly… is this just modern dating now? Am I missing something? Or are there still normal, down-to-earth people out there looking for the same thing?
‘What is with the dating scene in Australia these days?’
The dad said he just wanted to go on a ‘bit of a rant’ because he was genuinely keen for someone to ‘teach me something’ about modern dating.
His post was met with more than 280 comments, with many pointing out a ‘man with a good relationship with the mother of his children is a green flag’.
‘Ignore women that behave as though having a respectful and mature co-parenting relationship is a bad thing. That is a huge green flag. It sounds like you’ve had a bit of bad luck meeting the wrong women. Just persevere and keep putting yourself out there, the right woman will come along mate,’ one suggested.
‘I’d actually find this a green flag. If they’re too involved in ways still that would exclude or humiliate me then I’d be upset. But I would happily date men who are good co-parents and on decent terms with their children’s mother, and try to get on with her myself, and be a supportive co-parent too, in time,’ another shared.
‘Who are you trying to date? Women around your own age with kids? Because of the divorced women with kids in their 40s I know, having a good relationship with your ex is a massive green flag. If it’s younger women with no kids, then it makes more sense to me,’ one explained.
Confused, the newly single dad-of-two said his co-parenting situation has been a major talking point during his dates – but all for the wrong reasons (stock image)
‘At 40, everyone has baggage. There’s no escaping that, but having a good relationship with a co-parent is a good thing. Raising resilient kids is a difficult job at the best of times. Doing it as co-parents is even harder,’ another explained.
‘Definitely a green flag. I would rather date someone with respectful exes and clear boundaries set between parents rather than a messy ongoing complicated co-parenting situation,’ one added.
However, not everyone agreed, with one saying: ‘An ex-wife and kids are emotional and financial baggage, regardless of whether the dad is a good guy or not.’
‘You’re not a catch – you have kids and financial responsibilities to them. As a 36-year-old man, I’d refuse to date a woman with kids because I want to have my own kids and invest in them without worrying about stepchildren,’ another said bluntly.
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Why do some people see positive co-parenting as a red flag in dating after divorce?
Meanwhile, many singles told the dad they knew exactly where he was coming from, confirming the dating scene has been slim pickings in recent years.
‘About the same age as you. Dating in your 40s is rough mate,’ one shared, adding that he gave up on dating apps after a while.
‘Dating at 31 is rough… can’t imagine dating in your 40s,’ another weighed in.
‘As a woman in my 50s I’ve given up. All I get is losers looking for a Band-Aid. Yeah, nah. I’m out,’ one revealed.
‘Brother, I’m 37 in western Victoria. Dating is brutal here. You’re a green flag my man, she’ll come along. In the meantime golf and gym though.’
