Dear Jana,
I’m starting to feel uneasy about something my best friend is doing in Dubai, and I don’t know if I’m overstepping or if I need to act.
She’s over there working in influencer marketing, though she’s cagey about what she does specifically. I don’t like to pry, but she told me on WhatsApp that she had signed up to sugar daddy websites because ‘it’s expensive here’.
At first, she made it sound light and funny, like she was just going for nice dinners with older men and getting spoiled a bit.
But the stories have started to change.
We caught up recently and it sounds like she’s in over her head. She’s meeting men she barely knows, and telling me about these ‘crazy parties’. She’s taking cash and gifts, and it feels like payment to me, not just being ‘spoiled’.
I’ve told her it sounds risky, but she laughed off my concerns and said, ‘I know what I’m doing.’
The problem is, I don’t think she does.
A woman tells Daily Mail columnist Jana Hocking (pictured) that she is worried about her friend who is working in influencer marketing in Dubai while dabbing in ‘sugar daddy’ dating
Some of the situations she’s described have made my stomach drop, and I’m genuinely worried something could go wrong. She won’t listen to me anymore, and now I’m considering speaking to her parents who are here in Australia, because I don’t know what else to do.
Am I crossing a line by thinking about involving them, or is this one of those times where you step in, even if it risks the friendship?
Trouble in Paradise.
Dear Trouble in Paradise,
It definitely sounds like your friend is playing with fire.
Especially in a country where there are strict rules around sex outside of marriage and real consequences if you get caught on the wrong side of them. Let’s not forget, prostitution is illegal in the UAE.
She can word it however she likes, but there’s a big difference between being ‘spoiled’ and being paid. And, I hate to say it, but women will bend language into a pretzel to make one sound like the other when they’re not entirely comfortable with where they’ve landed.
It’s like how so many escorts insist, ‘Most men just want someone to talk to. We don’t even have sex half the time.’
‘There’s a big difference between being “spoiled” and being paid,’ writes Jana Hocking. (Stock image posed by models)
Sure.
The second cash starts changing hands, it stops being a cute date and becomes a transaction – whether she admits that or not.
So yes, I think it’s time to step in.
I’ve been there. I once had a friend step in when I was getting far too deep with a man who, in hindsight, had ‘questionably dangerous’ written all over him. At the time, I was furious. I thought she was being dramatic and ruining my fun.
Now I look back and think, ‘Thank God she did.’
Friendship isn’t just cocktails and giggles. Sometimes it involves saying the uncomfortable thing and risking being the villain for a while.
I would remind her that Dubai isn’t Bondi with better lighting and richer men. It’s a place where the rules around sex and money are strict on paper, selectively enforced, and can turn on you quickly if you’re on the wrong side of them.
Behind the glossy façade lies well-established rumours of influencers being whisked off for ‘hospitality’, only to discover the expectations are different once they arrive.
You’ve no doubt seen the headlines about those exclusive ‘parties’. I won’t get graphic, but let’s just say they’re not known for their wholesomeness.
That doesn’t mean your friend is in that world.
But it does mean the gap between ‘this is fun’ and ‘this is a situation I can’t easily leave’ could be a lot narrower than she thinks.
So how do you get through to her without sounding like the morality police she’ll instantly ignore?
Simple – you bite the bullet and say it straight.
Not: ‘Are you sure this is okay?’ But: ‘I don’t care what you do, but some of what you’ve told me doesn’t sound safe, and I’d feel awful if I didn’t say that.’
If you really want to push it, send her a couple of stories from women who’ve dipped into that world and come out shaken. There are plenty of them giving firsthand accounts on TikTok. It won’t take much digging to find them, and sometimes hearing it from someone else hits differently.
She might brush you off or get cranky, but trust me, she’ll also think about it later.
And if she doesn’t, then that tells you she’s not ready to hear it.
As for telling her parents… I wouldn’t.
She’s an adult, and that’s a line that’s hard to come back from. It will feel like betrayal and may push her further into secrecy.
We’re all very big on ‘let women do what they want’ – as we should be. Autonomy matters. But so does honesty.
And right now, it sounds like your friend is selling you a version of her life that’s been edited just enough to make it sound glamorous, rather than borderline dangerous.
You don’t need to judge her. But you must decide whether you’re comfortable being the friend who nods along or the one who says, ‘I think you’re in over your head.’
One keeps the peace; the other might actually keep her safe.
Dear Jana,
I don’t know how to say this without sounding awful, but my husband has started doing something that is giving me the biggest ick.
He has a bad knee and a weak bladder, so getting up in the night has become a bit of an ordeal for him. Instead of going to the bathroom, he’s started keeping a bowl next to the bed so he can pee in it.
At first, it was meant to be temporary. Now, it’s just part of our nightly routine.
I’ll wake up and realise what he’s doing right next to me, and feel a wave of disgust that I can’t shake. I know it’s practical for him, and I feel horrible for even reacting this way, but it’s completely killed any sense of attraction I have.
I don’t want to shame him, especially when it’s tied to health issues, but I also don’t want to lie there pretending I’m fine with it.
Is there a way to address this without making him feel embarrassed, or do I just have to get over it?
Bedroom Dealbreaker.
Dear Bedroom Dealbreaker,
I’m sorry, but I have to agree… ick.
It’s bad enough hearing our partners blow their nose in the shower or perform a full morning phlegm symphony before coffee. But a nightly bedside wee is where I draw the line.
I completely understand this has come from a practical place. Bad knees, a weak bladder, middle-of-the-night logistics… none of that is easy. And you’re a good partner for recognising that.
But let’s be honest, attraction is fragile. It doesn’t take much to knock it off course, and once your brain starts associating your partner with something unsexy, it’s very hard to un-hear it at 2am.
So no, you don’t just have to ‘get over it’, you just need to handle it with a bit of tact.
This isn’t a ‘that’s disgusting, stop it immediately’ conversation. It’s a ‘I know this is helping you, but it’s starting to affect how I feel in the bedroom and I want us to find a solution that works for both of us’ conversation.
Because believe it or not, there are solutions. I asked a friend of mine who is a nurse, and she said there are bedside urinal bottles with a lid (far less… theatrical), a discreet commode, or yes, a proper chat with a doctor about better ways to manage it. This doesn’t have to be the nightly ritual. A simple pill could sort it right out.
Having health issues is awful, and I genuinely feel for him.
But there are bodily functions that don’t require a front-row audience, and one of those is certainly peeing.
I bet that wasn’t included in your wedding vows.
Sure, one day you may both be dealing with far less glamorous realities. But that doesn’t mean you need to fast-track yourself there now.
A little dignity goes a long way, and I’m sure there is a better solution.
Dear Jana,
I’ve fallen for someone who ticks almost every box… except one, and it’s a big one.
We have great chemistry, and I genuinely enjoy being around him. But he believes the most out-there conspiracy theories I’ve ever heard.
At first, I thought he was joking. Then I realised he wasn’t.
We’re talking full deep dives into things like secret governments, fake moon landings, and how certain public figures are actually part of elaborate cover-ups. He can talk about it for hours, completely seriously.
I try to steer the conversation away, but sometimes he gets on a roll and I just sit there nodding, hoping he’ll stop.
The problem is, I’m starting to feel embarrassed. I haven’t introduced him to my friends or family yet because I’m worried he’ll go off on one of these tangents.
Do I accept this as part of who he is, or is this the kind of thing that will only get worse over time?
Down the Rabbit Hole.
Dear Down the Rabbit Hole,
During a brunch date, a man once launched into a full-blown TED Talk about his ‘research’ – meaning utterly bonkers YouTube videos – while I sat there thinking, ‘You’re hot… but I could never be seen with you in public.’
And I think deep down you’ve already come to this conclusion. You just need someone to confirm this.
So consider this your confirmation.
It’s not really about the theories – it’s about how he makes you feel every time he opens his mouth. If you’re already cringing and avoiding introducing him to your friends, that’s the seed of resentment right there.
I’m sorry, but you’re misaligned.
Also, this doesn’t get better. Men like this don’t suddenly wake up and go, ‘You know what, maybe the moon landing was real after all.’ If anything, they double down.
I’ve seen it up close. A friend of mine didn’t just date a man like this – she married him. We all thought he was a bit out there, but she thought she could overlook it.
They’re now divorced.
Chemistry is great. But respect is what actually keeps you there. And if you’re already embarrassed, that’s your gut telling you something important.
You don’t need to agree on everything. But you do need to live in the same version of reality. One that’s sane.
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