Monogamy has long been the hallmark of romantic relationships, but what happens when couples decide tradition just isn’t for them?
In recent years, more people have begun to explore alternative forms of romance – from open marriages and polycules to throuples and polyamory.
Dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, Tinder and Feeld now let users search for partners interested in ‘ethical non-monogamy’ (ENM).
Sexpert Adreena Winters says it’s a ‘cultural shift’, with younger generations now ‘realising love and commitment don’t have to follow a single, rigid blueprint’.
‘Monogamy has long been considered the default, but I think younger generations are finally starting to question why that is,’ she explains.
‘We’re seeing a cultural shift where honesty, autonomy, and communication are valued more than simply conforming to tradition.
‘For many, it’s not about rejecting monogamy entirely – it’s about choosing what actually works for them, rather than what they were told should work.’
Adreena, 37, says that monogamy ‘expects one person to be your best friend, your confidant, your sexual match, your emotional support, and that’s a lot of pressure to put on a single relationship.
Monogamy has long been the hallmark of traditional relationships across the country, but what happens when couples decide tradition just isn’t for them? (Pictured: Rochelle Siemienowicz)
‘Open dynamics allow people to express different sides of themselves with different partners, without it being seen as betrayal.
‘It’s not always about having more, it’s about having different, and letting go of the idea that love has to be limited to one container.
‘When done consciously, non-monogamy can actually bring people closer, because it requires communication, trust, and a deeper understanding of each other.’
While ENM – an umbrella term for non-monogamous relationship styles – is growing in popularity among younger generations, Rochelle Siemienowicz is proof alternative relationships have been practised in Australia for a lot longer than people may think.
‘I’ve been living in a harmonious polycule for around eight years,’ says Rochelle, a 53-year-old journalist and author from Perth, Australia.
Rochelle, who was raised in a Seventh Day Adventist family, is married to her husband David. They share one child together.
She also has a partner named Markus, and David is dating a woman named Tash.
Rochelle, David, Markus and Tash make up a polycule, which is a connected network of three or more people in a consensual non-monogamous relationship.
Sexpert Adreena Winters tells Daily Mail it’s a ‘cultural shift’, with younger generations bucking tradition while ‘realising love and commitment don’t have to follow a single, rigid blueprint’
Not everyone in a polycule is romantically involved with every other person in the group, with connections described as more of a web.
But while some critics may believe ENM is a breeding ground for jealousy or conflict, Rochelle says one of the biggest obstacles in her polycule is actually time-management.
‘Time is definitely an issue,’ she chuckles when asked how she and her partners schedule their dates.
‘We have a shared Google Calendar. We have kind of a routine we stick to that’s fairly flexible because all of us want everyone to be happy. We have certain nights of the week that belong to each couple.
‘It’s become pretty fluid, but I find that time-management stuff is more difficult than, say, what you might think is jealousy or whatever. The time stuff is really full on.’
But despite the effort her polycule puts into finding time for one another, Rochelle says it’s far from being ‘a massive chore’.
Rochelle Siemienowicz, 53, is proof alternative relationships have been practised in Australia for a lot longer than people may think. Rochelle is pictured with her partner Markus (left), her husband David (second from right), their son (centre), and David’s partner Tash (right)
‘It’s also a huge privilege to have another partner you can spend time with who feels like a holiday from the other relationships. You want to have partners who feel like it’s play and not work,’ she says.
‘There is more love, there is more sex, there is more communication, there is more people at the Christmas dinner table, and when someone gets sick there’s more people to help out. It’s like a little tribe.
‘I think it can be really good in a society where nuclear families can be quite isolated and a lot of us don’t have extended family networks. It works, if you’re into it.’
When asked if it was the feeling of community that attracted her to forming a polycule, she says: ‘Every new person that you love is a world unto themselves. It’s exploring a new world.
‘As humans, we desire safety and security, but we also want adventure and exploration and growth. It’s one way to try and balance those things,’ she adds.
Adreena, who makes her living as a sex expert and adult content creator, adds that ENM also forces couples to be more open and honest about their desires and fears.
‘When you’re in an open or non-traditional relationship, there’s no room to hide from yourself. You’re constantly asked to reflect, to communicate better, to own your jealousy or fear and move through it,’ she says.
‘It requires a level of honesty and emotional maturity that a lot of people never get the chance to develop in monogamy.’
Rochelle, who was raised in a Seventh Day Adventist family in Perth, is married to her husband David and also has another partner named Markus
‘You also get to witness your partner’s happiness without ego – that’s called compersion – and it can be just as intimate and powerful as sex itself,’ she continues.
Rochelle, who has chosen to be open about her experiences in a polycule, recently wrote a novel inspired by her relationships.
She released Double Happiness, a book ‘about one woman and two men and what if she didn’t have to choose’, in October 2024.
‘It’s a story about the evolution of a family into a non-monogamous arrangement, but it really goes into the complexities and complications and the humour around that because it’s kind of real and funny, and jealousy is a thing,’ she says.
‘There can be a lot of drama. I didn’t want it to be an advertisement for poly but I also wanted to say, “These kinds of relationships exist. They can work. They can be happy.”‘
She goes on to say her book also explores ‘the difference between the theory of non-monogamy and the practice of it’.
‘If anyone was thinking about trying this, you can feel philosophically aligned with it and feel like it’s a really great idea, but you’re not going to know if you can really stomach it until you experience it,’ she says.
‘I think the more you can read and explore and take it really slowly and kind of have a sense of humour about it, the more you can work out if it is going to be a style of relating that suits you.’
Adreena says monogamy ‘expects one person to be your best friend, your confidant, your sexual match, your emotional support, and that’s a lot of pressure to put on a relationship’
Adreena and Rochelle offered quite the enlightening conversation on the topic of ENM, with both women championing alternative relationship styles for their own reasons.
But there is one thing they align on: monogamy is not going anywhere.
‘Monogamy can be really beautiful if both people want to choose that. I definitely wouldn’t be saying non-monogamy is the answer,’ Rochelle says.
‘I think the reason more people are exploring it is because it’s out there as an option, there is a lot less stigma attached to it, although I would say there still is stigma.’
And Adreena agrees, saying monogamy will always be an option ‘but it also shouldn’t be treated as the only valid option’.
‘I think we’re heading toward a future where people are less afraid to admit what they really want, and that’s exciting,’ she says.
‘Whether you want one partner or five, what matters is that it’s done with respect and awareness. The future isn’t about replacing monogamy, it’s about making space for choice.’
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