Going to the hospital can be pretty stressful. The possibility that something’s wrong—or might go wrong—can make even the calm ones feel anxious. So to remind you that everyone has their moments, we collected stories from the internet of people sharing their most embarrassing visits to the doctor. From getting lost in a conversation to misinterpreting instructions, turns out, there’s a lot of ways to look like a dumb dumb. Hopefully these will take the edge off before your next check-up; health professionals must’ve seen it all by now.
#1
I was 5 years old, not too bright, and thought Air Freshener was *EAR* Freshener. So I plugged the end of a Febreze into my ear and let loose. I actually made it to the second ear before I realized I messed up. Burning pain, damaged my eardrums from the pressure, bad everything for me, how could this day get any worse.
Image source: NowCanBeLoudAndProud, Image-Source
#2
Went to the ER for stomach pains, worried about appendix, spleen, gall bladder etc.
I was constipated.
Image source: DAM5150, sedrik2007
#3
Hemorrhoids by far, I know women go through way worse at the Gyno and idk what I expected but I was not prepared to lay on my side in the fetal position while the doctor opened it all like he was about to read a book.
Image source: Mattrad7, nansanh
#4
I gave birth two weeks ago and got an epidural. Apparently those things make it impossible to hold in a fart. Did not know that. My technique was talking loudly every time I farted.
Image source: AdjectiveAdverb
#5
I had sores on my tongue and thought I might have an STD. Went to my doctor super worried. Turns out my new tooth brush was more firm than I was used to and I had brushed my tongue so hard with it that I caused damage. I was prescribed a softer tooth brush.
Image source: throwra92927261, Tonefotografia
#6
I thought I had a tapeworm. I brought my ‘specimen’ to the doctor in a plastic bag. All the nurses came in to inspect it. I had the doctor even look at my butthole. I wanted to evaporate out of embarrassment. You can imagine how I felt when they told me it was vegetable matter from the spring rolls I had eaten the night before. The walk of shame was real.
Image source: anonymous, DragonImages
#7
Valentine’s day, 2019. I pooped blood in the morning and made an emergency appointment. My doctor is a 60 something year old woman, and she says to me “you realize you can’t tell me something like that without me having to take a closer look.”
I’m lying sideways on the bed with my knees tucked up and my pants pulled down.
“Nothing wrong as far as I can see” she tells me… “Have you eaten anything like beetroot recently?”
I immediately remember the beetroot juice smoothie I had drunk the day before, but I’m too embarassed to admit to it, so I lie.
Worst Valentine’s day ever.
Image source: Fartweaver
#8
I was 12 or so, and my doctor knew I didn’t like needles (still don’t, but oh well!) so he put a shot that I had to get in his pocket with his pens, so I didn’t notice. In the middle of a sentence he pulls it out and comes at me, and I punched him directly in the face and broke his glasses.
It wasn’t intentional, per say. Dude was coming at me with a sharp object. It was instinct. He ended up grabbing me by the shoulders, pinning me down, and doing the injection.
For years afterwards I couldn’t face him.
TL;DR punched my doctor in the face.
Image source: octobereighth, borodai
#9
I had a cyst on my right shoulder caused by a blocked sweat gland. The damn thing had swollen up, and I went to the ER. The doctor entered the room with a medical student. The doctor decides to cut into the cyst to relieve pressure. The doctor makes the cut, and I feel the student push down. I then hear the student squeal out. I look back and see the poor student covered in pus from my cyst. And it was bad too, like a ’90s Nickelodeon TV show where someone is covered in slime, bad. The poor wee thing stood there, her face and upper chest covered in putrid, smelly pus dispelled from my back.
Image source: bromy501, KostiantynVoitenko
#10
I recently had a sore throat, and when trying to get a good look at it in the mirror, I noticed these large, pink spots all over the very back of my tongue. I spent a week fretting over it, wondering what they were and why they weren’t going away, until my mom became worried enough about them that she accompanied me to my doctor. Upon examining my throat and tongue, he pronounced that what I was seeing was…my taste buds. I have never seen my doctor, who is an incredibly stoic man, smile so widely before. My family will never let me live it down.
Image source: va_bene, nazariykarkhut
#11
I was pretty young, had never swallowed a pill before, my only experience with anything pill like was flinstone vitamins. I was in there with my mom and was given a tylenol and a cup of water, and I guess no one imagined I had never taken a pill before, so I immediately popped it in my mouth and vigorously chewed, and then immediately threw up from the bitter taste. My reaction was surprise and confusion.
Doctor was just like “… You just swallow them… with the water…” like I was some idiot.
Image source: Freikorp, sedrik2007
#12
I was getting ready to go to a BBQ/pool party. Changed in to to my swimsuit, put clothes over it and I was doing chores before I left home. My face started feeling numb and I was getting a headache. Called the advice nurse, she told me to call for an ambulance. Paramedics come, transport me to hospital, check in to the ER. They do an exam, CT scan, and labs. They find nothing and decide to discharge me to follow up with my regular doctor.
While waiting for discharge paperwork, I’m sitting on a hospital bed in the hall. My neck is really aching from my halter-top swimsuit holding my chest up so I pull the strap over my head to relieve the pressure…. And then it hits me; I’m fairly large chested and my halter-top swimsuit was pinching a nerve in my neck and causing all the symptoms. I was too embarrassed to tell the doctor or nurses.
Image source: goat_on_a_pole
#13
Went and got diagnosed with an STD and was getting lectured and then felt too embarrassed to tell the doctor my wife had actually given it to me.
Image source: garrhunter, wavebreakmedia_micro
#14
Went to the doctor when I was about 8 months pregnant. At that point in my pregnancy I was VERY gassy and if I tried to hold it in it would get painful after a while. While I was sitting in the doctors office I felt like I had to fart. I held it in for a while thinking that if I did fart the doctor would be in at any moment. 15 minutes passed and nothing. So I decided to let it go. The tiniest little fart ever, but, it stunk. Thirty seconds later the doctor walked in and asked me what that smell was.
Image source: FearlessEyes, DC Studio
#15
This pretty young nurse used to hang out in my room in the couple of days before my surgery. She gave me company and I was her escape from rude old men. She always smelled nice. So, the surgery was at the end of my spine. I was hairy even in high school. One time, she comes in with breakfast, and I’m like, ‘Hey!’ She has a stone face. ‘Turn around, please.’ I do, and off comes the gown, and she starts shaving me for the next hour. It was never the same after that.
Image source: anonymous, andrewminsk123
#16
I had a rash develop on my left armpit when I was 18. It was awful. So bad that it looked like one of those ‘frosty’ burns which kids used to give to each other with cans of deodorant. I assumed that I was an idiot and had given myself a frosty by using deodorant too vigorously.
I eventually got to the doctor, and I explained how I had given myself a frosty. He just looked at me for a while before saying: ‘I don’t know what a frosty is — and I don’t condone those — but I CAN tell you that this is Impetigo… A rash mainly developed by dirty 2–5 year olds.’
Image source: arana-_-discoteca, prostooleh
#17
I was about 15 and at the doctors laying on that short table waiting for the doctor. I couldn’t figure out why that dumb table was so short and tried to figure out a way to make it longer. Well I realized at the end of the table there were these fancy leg extensions. So I pulled them out and waited. Doctor came in and started laughing hysterically and asked me what kind of exam I wanted? I didn’t realize what I had done until 20 years later I went to the doctors with my wife. Kind of a delayed embarrassment!
EDIT: I probably should include the part as to the look I had on my face 20 years later when it all came to me and I figured out what actually happened! I am sure my wife was puzzled as to why I was laughing so hard while she was having her check up done!
Image source: tdmmnnl
#18
I had a cat scan for a kidney stone, since that’s all they were looking for in the notes it said p***s: unremarkable.
I know it’s not much but d**n.
Image source: larryskank
#19
I got a parasite after the water pipes in my city broke due to a hurricane and ended up in the ER for almost 2 weeks. Doctors said it was a third world parasite they’d never seen before, so I had hordes of medical students coming in and out every day asking me really invasive questions.
Then some nurse read that hedgehogs can carry this parasite and, well, I have a hedgehog. So I had to call up my landlord and have her scrape poop off my hedgehog’s wheel at 3am, put it in a bag, and bring it to the hospital for testing. I had random hospital employees coming into my room every few hours after that, asking me if I was the girl with the hedgehog.
Found out my hedgehog was perfectly clean. And the kicker was that this supposed “third world parasite” was just giardia. This was a hospital in New Jersey.
Image source: sugarbasil
#20
I was like 9 and my mom had some brownish lipstick, well as a prank I put in on my underwear and walked around the house with my pants sagging. Forgot about it and that night I got up to go pee and when I went to lay back down the spring popped out of the bed and cut my side really bad. I get to the hospital and remember about the underwear after they asked me to change into my gown. I didnt want to have my bare behind sticking out from the gown so i kept the underwear. After they stapled me up, they asked my mom to leave and they asked me again what happend, guess they seen my fake stained undies with blood on it and was like whats going on in that house. My mom was pissed but we laugh about it now.
Image source: Jerse69
#21
I burped in the doctors face during a strep test. I felt so bad lol.
Image source: Nintendevotion
#22
I know it’s normal and all that blah blah.. but I will never stop cringing about pooping during childbirth. I also blasted the lovely midwife in the face when my water broke, more like burst. It was like a bad comedy movie.
Image source: LateLightLunch
#23
I accidentally got super glue in my eye and the doctor laughed in my face.
I already felt stupid, at least pretend to care about my pain, doc!
Image source: okbtsy
#24
Not too bad, but a perfect example of how my life tends to go.
I had just bought a new type of perfume and put some on in the morning. By mid-day, though, my neck was red, puffy, & itchy. Home/OTC stuff wasn’t doing anything, so I headed to the college infirmary.
Got in, was giving a nurse the details before the doctor came in–you know the drill. But then she asked the question I was dreading: “And what perfume was it?”
Me: “It’s by Christian Dior. It’s called *mumble*.”
Nurse: “What was it?”
Me: “*mumble*.”
Nurse: “I’m sorry, dear, but I didn’t quite catch that.”
Me: (sighs) “It’s called ‘Poison’. ‘Poison’ by Christian Dior.”
I look over at her, and she just has this *look* on her face.
Me: “Go ahead, laugh. I would be if I were you.”
She did grin pretty widely, and there was a bit of a giggle when she told the doctor.
Image source: msnovtue
#25
This was most recent embarrassing doctor visit, as I’ve had pretty terrible luck with medical professionals in general. I had a recurring/constant ear infection for probably around 8 months last year. I did a televisit with a new primary and he prescribed antibiotics and said if it didn’t clear up that I’d have to go to the ENT. I finished the round and my ear cleared for a little bit but then returned to fully messed up. Ended up on another round of antibiotics for an unrelated incident and same story.
We have a long wait time for doctors and specialists where I live, so many months after my ear infection had started, I go to the ENT. He takes one super quick look in my ear and leads me to another room. He has me lay on my side and pulls out a hearing aid dome that apparently had fallen off and gotten stuck in there. He also waited to pull the thing out before telling me what the problem was; I’m guessing for the drama/amusement factor.
I was embarrassed since I had lost a dome but figured it had fallen out somewhere and not into my ear. The timeline of the two incidents never connected for me, so I never pieced it together as an option for what might possibly be wrong. He tried to reassure me that it happens pretty often, but then he had to throw in that usually it happened to elderly patients and I was probably the youngest person he had pulled one out of. All this could have been avoided if I didn’t have a telehealth appointment in the first place.
Image source: siobhanbacan
#26
I use a CPAP, for a while I stopped using it and during that time I had lost about 40 pounds. When I started using it again, the first night the pressure was way too high for the new me. It pumped in so much air that I swallowed a lot. The next day I was in agony so I made an appointment with the gastro doc. I was dealing with something I called “The Fartening.” The gas was nonstop.
I had to explain to my gastro that the reason I made an appointment is my CPAP was set too high so I spent the entire weekend in pain bloated with gas and farting nonstop.
Image source: seanbennick
#27
When I was about 13 , I got one of my little sister’s stick on earrings stuck in my ear. I had been watching a documentary about pirates and decided I wanted to look like one and have an earring on one ear. Somehow it ended up inside my ear canal rather than on my earlobe. And in trying to get it out, I pushed it in deeper to the point that no one could get it out.
We had to go to urgent care. I was embarrassed to tell my parents, let alone a doctor, how and why it happened as I was old enough to know that it was a pretty ridiculous story: “I wanted to look like a pirate and I pushed this tiny metal sticker deep in my ear because I was watching TV at the same time as trying to put the sticker on”.
Image source: polaris2acrux
#28
Having to explain how playing soccer on the xbox connect years ago caused me to break my wrist. I’m very clumsy due to my epilepsy (that we found out years later) and when I tried to kick, I fell backwards and used the palm of my hand to cushion the fall.
The doctor sat in awe at how I managed that.
Image source: Vampryssa
#29
Not as embarrassing as the others but the time I was really slack about taking my blood thinners cause they are expensive AF and my job was wobbly thanks to the plague.
Ended up in hospital with blood clots in my lungs and a kidney infection.
I now take them as directed.
Image source: MzFrazzle
#30
When I was 17 I went to the hospital for severe dehydration. I was in high school and had little time for bathroom breaks and then I immediately went to work after school. I was so busy that I could not use the bathroom unless it was with my 15 minute break in the middle of my shift or until I got home. My dumb solution to force myself not to use the bathroom was to just drink less water and would only drink water at night. So one day after toughing it out through severe stomach pain (it got to the point I could not stand without horrible cramps) I went to the ER. I got a scan because I complained of severe stomach pain and not only was I severely dehydrated I was also super blocked up because I was not consuming enough water. It was super embarrassing having the doctor tell my mom that I was blocked up and just needed to poop and drink more water.
Image source: poppedbubblewrap
#31
Ha ive got a classic. So I had this rancid throat infection, as in the back of my throat looked like it had been the star of a Bukakke, it was horrific. After a week of being miserable I went to the doctors to get it checked out. Now I have never had a hot doctor before but the one I got was this lovely mid-late 30’s blonde. Very lovely.
It comes to the point where she has to take a swab of the back of my throat and she says “i’m afraid this will make you gag”. Now i remembered a thing my housemate had told me that if you squeeze your left thumb in your left hand really tight it removes your gag reflex. So i proclaim this too her, and to her disbelief go on to prove it works! low and behold i dont gag!
she says “wow where did you learn that?”
to which i obviously say “oh… er some guy showed me”
she raised an eyebrow, i went bright red and that was it for talking
Image source: woodywoodwoodwoodlet
#32
While cauterizing the hole during my vasectomy, my skin smoked more than it should have, set off the fire alarm, and I ended up with numerous people of numerous career choices in the room with me totally exposed.
Image source: pluckythewhale
#33
My Dad was getting his prostate checked out by this pretty good looking female urologist. She had to insert a catheter since my dad was having trouble peeing. Anyway, she removes the catheter once they’re done and my dad starts pissing all over the doctor’s leg. She took it like a champ and told him, “If I don’t get pee’d on at least once a day, my husband will suspect I’m ditching work to have an affair” (or something like that).
Image source: Relephant_Username
#34
This actually occurred shortly after I was born, and we refer to it as “The Green Pea incident”. My brother (2 years old) was moving to solid foods, and absolutely loved peas. Mushed, boiled, fried, or in things, he loved them. One day, my mom noticed that my brother wasn’t going to the washroom. No big deal, she thought. It’s only been a day.
Two days later, nothings coming out. He kept eating and eating, like the happy little fat toddler he was, eating all amounts of peas. My parents scheduled a day off work and took him to the doctor together. The doctor, of course, says that he must be constipated. It happens to the best of us. At this point, it’s been four days since my brother has taken one. The doctor gives him a large dose of prescription-strength exlax, and suggests that they should probably keep an eye on him for the next while. As he’s talking to my parents about what they should do, my brother starts to poop.
Bright, neon green.
He had eaten so many peas that the fiber had actually clogged him up, and now it was returning in force. The semi-liquidated stuff started flying out, faster and faster like you see in those comedy movies. Eventually, it settled down to a light stream, but not before it had covered the entire wall next to the examination table. All over the doctor’s tools, his blood pressure stuff and his posters. It ruined the cushion on the table, and stank to high hell. My parents never went back to that doctor again.
Image source: WingsOfSteel
#35
Had nasal polyps removed. After the procedure there are several followups to get minor stragglers but mostly also to remove giant blood clots that have formed.
My otolarynologist is busy digging and scraping and scooping, and some *monster* aliens are being dragged out. I can see my nostrils expanding like I’m passing a chicken egg-sized baby out of them, then they **shloop** shut again.
Anyway, he’s grinding and yanking at this one and it won’t come loose. He rotates it a bit, gently places it in a tray, and says nothing but leaves the room with a half-smile.
Three minutes later he comes back and tells us he had a silent freak-out and had to wash up because a giant bloody string of snott carried elasticity from the pull and slapped up against the length of his cheek like a cheap 25 cent toy from the bins at the front of a Kmart.
Image source: anon
#36
My father is a nurse. He used to be an ER nurse (he now works in patient transport, which is a bit less nutty). He once came home from a night shift and said to me, with a straight face, ‘You know you’re a trained professional when you manage to keep a straight face while taking a lava lamp out of a woman.’ I did not stop laughing for a solid minute.
Image source: Lordveus
#37
I was once constipated. I was roughly 12-13 at the time, and didn’t really know about constipation. Every now and then, a nugget would pop out, and I simply thought that’s all the poop I had to do. One sunny afternoon, I experienced a severe cramp in my gut. A contraction, if you will. I spoke to my mother (who is a nurse at a hospital) and explained my predicament. We went to our local doctor, and he explained that I had a poop backlog, and it could really do with being evacuated. Quite soon. (Looking back on it this did take place over about nine months).
I was checked into another hospital in a few days and administered suppositories. No effect. I then received an enema. This also had no effect. Over the course of the next two days, I received another set of suppositories and two enemas. Then, one night while I was asleep, my body let its guard down. I awoke with another contraction and I headed for the lavatory.
As I sat down on the toilet, I heard what could only be described as the gates of Hell being opened, and felt my body literally become about five pounds lighter in three seconds. My entire lower body went numb. As I tried to move, the small of my back ached. I called for a nurse, and after being helped back to bed, I overheard the words ‘Waste Team’ being said.
I spent the next 10 hours in a deep sleep, whilst I spent the next day in a wheelchair, before being able to use my legs again, and that toilet was out of use for three more days. I think they had to replace it.
Image source: Kemps
