Sarah Parish and her husband James Murray have opened up on how they coped with the tragic loss of their daughter Ella-Jayne by pouring their grief into helping others.
The actress, 57, and the Crown star, 50, were left devastated in 2009 when their baby girl died from a congenital heart defect when she was just eight months old.
Following her death, their relationship suffered as they struggled to cope with their grief, leading them to go volunteer at orphanages in Southeast Asia and eventually set up their own charity.
And in the 2025 New Year Honours, the couple both received MBEs for services to ‘children with an illness and their families’ through their charitable foundation.
In a joint interview with The Sunday Times, they explained how Ella-Jayne had been born five weeks prematurely in May 2008, and knew from one look at the nurses faces that ‘something was very wrong.’
The Cutting It star described how they were ‘thrown into a nightmare’ after Ella-Jayne was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition, Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome.
Sarah Parish and her husband James Murray have opened up on how they coped with the tragic loss of their daughter Ella-Jayne by pouring their grief into helping others (seen in 2023)
The actress, 57, and the Crown star, 50, were left devastated in 2009 when their baby girl died from a congenital heart defect when she was just eight months old (seen in 2022)
The little girl had open-heart surgery at just three days old and then spent the next four months in intensive care with her parents by her side, trying everything to save their daughter.
Sarah admitted: ‘We lived with the blind hope she would survive; nothing else mattered.’
However, James described how they were ‘cut off at the knees’ when Ella-Jayne tragically passed away at home in January 2009.
The couple – who have been married since 2007 – explained how the devastating loss also impacted their own relationship, with both fearing that it would collapse with the knowledge that statistically around 75 per cent of couples split after losing a child.
Sarah recalled: ‘Somehow Jim and I managed to hold each other up while Ella-Jayne was alive but when she died at home in January 2009 we went through an incredibly difficult time.’
The grieving pair decided to go to Vietnam and Cambodia and volunteer to work in orphanages with sick children, with Sarah saying they ‘surrounded ourselves with other people’s pain to put ours in perspective.’
Their experience turned out to be first step on a new path and in 2014 they set up charity Imagine This – formerly called Murray Parish Trust – dedicated to supporting the mental wellbeing of seriously ill children and their families across the UK.
Their charitable contributions led to the couple being awarded MBEs earlier this year, with Sarah calling the day they were bestowed with the honour by King Charles ‘one of the best days ever’ as it showed what impact Ella-Jayne had had.
James described how they were ‘cut off at the knees’ when Ella-Jayne tragically passed away at home in January 2009
Their relationship suffered as they struggled to cope with their grief, leading them to go volunteer at orphanages in Southeast Asia and eventually set up their own charity
She said: ‘When we were awarded MBEs this year for our charity work it was one of the best days ever. Knowing that our daughter’s short life had made such a difference made us so proud.’
Sarah and James went on to welcome daughter Nell, now 15, ten months after Ella-Jayne’s death.
The star has previously revealed on how she likes to write a birthday card to Ella-Jayne which she then keeps for her and James to cherish.
She told OK!: ‘Every year I write her a birthday card and keep it for us,’ adding: ‘There are sad days but also happy days. We have a lot to be thankful for.’
It comes after James revealed how fishing helped him cope with the ‘unbearable’ pain of Ella-Jayne’s death.
Speaking to The Times in November, he told how he tried therapy and speaking to friends, but it hadn’t worked at the time
He said: ‘The pain was unbearable. Therapy wasn’t doing it for me; talking to friends didn’t help with something that was impossible to comprehend. I was going under, sinking slowly then fast. It was all-encompassing and horrendous.
‘Then I stood in the river and began to cast; fishing was the way I coped and where I found Ella-Jayne again.’
Sarah and James went on to welcome daughter Nell, now 15, ten months after Ella-Jayne’s death (all three pictured in 2019)
James also admitted that the couple weren’t able to celebrate the news of Sarah’s second pregnancy with Nell, because of the intense anxiety after losing Ella-Jayne.
He said: ‘The idea of getting pregnant and having another baby was so drenched in caution and worry that the joy of that news was not there.
‘We couldn’t breathe while Sarah was pregnant, then Nell was premature and it was dramatic, but I’d say we are pretty resilient as a result.’
Sarah has previously said that before the death of her daughter she had a ‘very easy life’ and that the harrowing experience ‘made me a better person’.
Speaking to the Mail in 2019, she admitted: ‘I’d had a very easy life before that. Nothing awful had ever happened to me. But with something like that, I know it’s a real cliché, but it has made us.
‘And the charity – especially running alongside careers as actors – is perfect. It’s the ideal thing to do, because as an actor you really do have the space to become an awful person if you want.
‘Because everything is based around you and what you need. It’s a great job and we’re very lucky. Then when you work on a charity alongside it, and you see what life is, the really bad side of life, it just makes what you do [for a living] amazing, you know. My job is my holiday and the charity is my job.’
Speaking about her relationship with James and the impact the death had on them, she added: ‘It changed us as people, definitely. It has to. And actually, the older you get, the more people you meet who have lost children.
‘A lot of people lose children in far worse circumstances than Jim and me. Ella-Jayne was only eight months old, she was very poorly anyway, so we were already prepped for what could happen.
‘Whereas I’ve met people along the way who had a healthy child, everything was good, and suddenly they’ve gone.
‘I’ve known people who have lost their children at the age of 16. It’s just unbearable. It will always change you as a person. It’s changed us for the better, I think.’
If you have been affected by anything in this article, please contact Imagine This at imaginethis.org.uk
