A relationship is rarely fifty-fifty. People are usually different in their abilities, and what they can bring to the table varies because of that. What they do expect from each other, however, is one hundred percent trust and support.
But Reddit user Wifemyjob‘s partner no longer feels that he respects her. Recently, the couple had a heated exchange about their roles in the household. So, the man made a post on the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ subreddit, asking its members to share their thoughts on their conflict.
This man told his wife that being a stay-at-home wife requires less intellect than what he does
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)
And they got into a huge fight
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual image)
Image credits: wifemyjob
Sadly, many people share this belief
Academics researching the subject found evidence that job seekers may want to leave their parenting status off the resume entirely.
In one study, Stanford Sociology professor Shelley Correll and her colleagues sent resumes and cover letters to employers advertising job openings. The employers were a whopping 2.1 times more likely to give a callback to a woman who was not a parent than to an equally qualified mother.
But a more recent study suggests that dads may now face a similar penalty. It discovered that when male and female applicants mentioned they had opted out of paid work to care for family, they fared worse than men and women who had experienced job loss. To put it simply, companies preferred to hire an unemployed job candidate over a stay-at-home parent.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual image)
Why the strong bias against parents and moms?
“Signaling you stayed home to be with your kids may suggest you’re more committed to family than work,” gender bias expert, Kim Elsesser, Ph.D., who has taught classes on gender at UCLA and wrote the book Sex and the Office, wrote.
“In addition, people tend to hold a misperception that women employees can be warm or competent, but not both. Those who stay home with children are likely warm, so they cannot be competent. (It’s important to note that, in reality, women can be both warm and competent).”
To reduce this bias against parents, Elsesser believes that employers must realize that people can be good parents and good employees. “The message that work and family are compatible must come from the highest levels of organizations and government,” she added.
When a partner is supportive, they’ll do cool things like listen to your problems, boost you up when you’re feeling down, and cheer you on towards a goal. This attitude — when it goes both ways — contributes to a strong, healthy relationship. So if your partner isn’t being supportive, it can truly feel like an important piece of the puzzle is missing.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual image)
It sucks when you feel like your partner doesn’t have your back
When a partner is supportive, they’ll listen to your problems and boost you up when you’re feeling down. This attitude contributes to a strong, healthy relationship. Take it away, and it can truly feel like an important piece of the puzzle is missing.
“Having psychological and emotional support in a relationship creates cohesion between two people,” licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee, Psy.D., LCSW, told Bustle. “It exemplifies the level of attachment, love, and care, as well as stability and predictability of the partner. When support is not present, or when support is not consistently present, it renders the relationship vulnerable to being unsuccessful.”
This emotional vacuum can make it more difficult to resolve differences or conflicts and the same issues tend to resurface because cues are missed and not attended to. Without support and encouragement, that missing piece will seem even larger in times of stress and conflict.
So if you care about your loved one and the connection the two of you have, you shouldn’t diminish their achievements or minimize their feelings.
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual image)
The author of the Reddit post replied to some of the comments under his story
But the majority still said he shouldn’t talk to his wife like that
Some, however, thought the man did nothing wrong
