In her viral Oscars acceptance speech for best actress, Jessie Buckley stole the show as she praised the goodness of marriage and motherhood, saying:
Fred, I love you. … You’re the most incredible dad. … I want to have 20,000 more babies with you. … And Isla … I love you, and I love being your mom, and I can’t want to discover life beside you. … [T]he capacity of a mother’s love is the greatest collision of my life. … I would like to dedicate this to the beautiful chaos of a mother’s heart.
Compared to the anti-natalist message that often comes from Hollywood, Buckley’s words are a welcome change. Yet to overcome the lingering influence of girl-boss feminism — which results in record-low birth rates and women across the political spectrum associating success with a fulfilling job at far higher rates than marriage or children — we need a generation of women who embrace a seasonal approach to life and place first things first: their faith, family, and nation.
In particular, this means planning for motherhood with the same seriousness we give to careers or finances. In doing so, we honor God’s design and prepare ourselves to embrace one of the greatest callings He has entrusted to us. Far from limiting a woman’s future, a family-oriented vision opens it wide. It roots her in purpose, draws her into deeper faith, and sets the stage for a life that is fruitful and full.
When everything around you tempts you to choose work over children, I urge you to resist and do the opposite. In many ways, it is easier to work outside the home. There are job descriptions, performance reviews, and promotions that clearly measure progress and reward effort.
Motherhood, by contrast, though far sweeter and more meaningful, can often feel abstract or hard to measure on a daily basis. It takes far more effort to build the kind of intentional community that fills the void left by careerism and the loss of neighborhood and church life. It requires perseverance and creativity to build a home economy that weaves together meaningful work, wise stewardship of the household, and the discipleship and teaching of children (whether home-schooled or not), while simultaneously exuding joy, adventure, and belonging.
This is not a choice between “real work” and “just staying home with the kids.” It is a choice between work that pulls you away from the heart of family life and work that strengthens and flows from it.
Some women may be paid for their work outside the home. Others may find purpose and productivity within the home or through shared work alongside their husbands. What matters most is that your labor, whether paid or not, flows from what is good for your family and the call of Christ, not in competition with them.
The form may differ, but the goal is the same: to reserve the best of your energy for your family and home, pouring your unique gifts and interests into a life-giving, Christ-centered household under the loving leadership of your husband.
Women have more earning power and opportunity than ever before. Technology has made remote work accessible, and project-based work rewards outcomes rather than hours clocked. The options are real. So how do we put this into practice?
1. Take Stock of Your Gifts and Interests
Do you enjoy writing, editing, research, design, or communications? What skills have you already built, and which ones could you cultivate further? Look for work that is flexible, part-time, or remote so that when children come, you can shape your work around your family rather than your family around your work.
This is not an all-or-nothing decision. Many mothers of young children continue to work. What changes is the shape and scale of it. A woman with a newborn and a woman without children may both work 20 hours a week, yet the arrangement, the type of work, and the priorities behind it can look entirely different. You should never ask your children to sacrifice for your career. But thoughtfully structured, part-time, and contract work mean more women than ever can keep their skills sharp while keeping their family first.
2. Set Yourself Up for Success Financially
Avoid debt or pay it down aggressively. The last thing you want is to feel forced back to work because of financial pressure rather than a genuine desire or calling. A car you did not need, a degree more expensive than necessary, or years of poor spending habits can rob you of the freedom to choose. So guard it.
3. Be Strategic in Assessing Potential Tradeoffs
Life requires trade-offs, and trade-offs require clarity. If you are single or do not yet have children, start thinking now. If you are married, have this conversation with your husband before you are in the middle of it. What do you want life to look like? What does your family actually need?
My husband and I revisit these questions every season. We figure out how to structure work, school, and time with our girls by starting with one question: What do our daughters need to thrive? Then we build everything else from there. For me, that means being their primary caregiver and being present in the home throughout the day. It means working for an organization that genuinely supports mothers. And it means there are certain roles I will not pursue right now. Not because I would not love them one day, but because in this season, those jobs would mean my children pay the price for my ambition. That is a line we’re not willing to cross.
The key here is a seasonal approach. Wisdom requires us to discern many competing priorities, and choosing to prioritize what is best for children, especially when they’re younger, is a worthy sacrifice. Jobs come and go, but nothing can replace your relationship with your kids. As with all seasons, they come and go, so a decision about work now doesn’t need to last forever.
4. Learn from Women Who Have Done This Well
I have spoken with many women who have found creative, faithful ways to balance family and work. Most share one thing in common: When their children were young, they leaned into that season.
Some reduced their work to 10 hours a week. Others stepped away entirely for a few years. And nearly all of them say the same thing: When they were ready to start working again, meaningful doors opened to them. There are so many creative arrangements possible, if only we are willing to pursue them.
5. Your Children Are Already Fully on Your Side
Jordan Peterson once said:
Your kids want to have the best relationship with you that they possibly could have. They’re 100 percent on board with that idea, way more than anyone you’ve ever met in your life. And that means you could have the best relationship with your children than you’ve ever had with anyone. That’s what they offer you.
Whatever you feel you are giving up right now, you are saying yes to something far greater and sweeter than you can fully imagine yet. You will not understand the weight of it until you look back with wonder. These years with little ones may exhaust you. They may feel lonely some days. But you are planting and tending and building something that will outlast everything else you will ever do. That is truly life to the fullest.
This article is an adapted excerpt from the author’s new book, Lead Like Jael: Seven Timeless Principles for Today’s Women of Faith, excerpted by permission of Skyhorse Publishing Inc.
Emma Waters is a senior policy analyst at The Heritage Foundation and the author of “Lead Like Jael: Seven Timeless Principles for Today’s Women of Faith.”
