I fear that Amy Schumer is spiraling. Now, after cutting loose from her marriage and the equivalent of a twin mattress in extra weight, she appears to be losing her grip.
Schumer’s friends are talking to the Daily Mail after the comedienne dropped a new batch of thirst traps on Instagram, à la Britney Spears.
There she is – in a Manhattan apartment, at night no less – modeling bikinis and grinning like a mental patient.
‘She is trying to deal with the divorce and her new look – but she doesn’t really know what she is doing. It is all still new,’ said the insider. ‘Her new body, her new life and her fresh divorce. It’s a lot all at once.’
It sure is ‘a lot.’ That wild look in her eyes makes me concerned that she’s one post away from juggling a set of chef’s knives.
Amy’s ‘friends’ say ‘no one is concerned that she is going to go crazy over it all,’ the source added, ‘but they’re monitoring her behavior and only want the best for her.’
Oh boy, I hope I’m never ‘monitored’.
I last wrote about Amy’s situation in early December, days before she announced her split from husband Chris Fischer, raising concerns over her strange social media swanning.
There she is – in a Manhattan apartment, at night no less – modeling bikinis and grinning like a mental patient
Schumer’s friends are talking to the Daily Mail after the comedienne dropped a new batch of thirst traps on Instagram, à la Britney Spears
‘The famous fatty turned shrinking comic has lost so much gristle her wedding ring appears to have fallen right off. Whoops!’ I wrote. ‘And while there’s no ring, we do see an awful lot of inner thigh and her dingy, brown carpeted stairs.’
That piece earned me a 9.56pm direct message on Instagram from the freshly single, newly skinny star, who scolded me for ‘not being nice.’
Guilty as charged. But I call them as I see them. So gird your leaner loins girl, because it’s time for another dose of honesty and I know you’re reading.
Look, I get it. Being sizzling hot is its own cauldron of stress, especially if it’s a brand new experience for you. Before, when you were lovably chunky, all you had to do was fish through your closet for a pink sequin muumuu and call it a night. But now that you have lithe legs and an admirable abdomen the stakes seem higher.
You may feel compelled to prance around like a stripper advertising downsized rump to a bunch of drooling zombies on Instagram. And, predictably, it’s working.
A baffled male Fox News colleague whispered to his buddy on the elevator the other day, ‘Is it me, or is Amy Schumer all of a sudden hot?’
If you’re after a frat boy to replace your baby-daddy, keep it up. But isn’t it better to aim higher?
I think I speak for a lot of women when I say I liked the old Amy better. You likely weren’t as healthy (or sexy), but you were funny and relatable.
Sure, we can chalk up these hedonistic displays to ‘self-love’ and ‘body positivity,’ but we’d just be kidding ourselves. Your famous friends may be squealing ‘You go girl!’ in the comments, but what they’re really thinking is: ‘Hey Amy, you ok?’
After cutting lose from her marriage and the equivalent of a twin mattress in extra weight, she now appears to be losing her grip.(Pictured with ex-husband Chris Fischer in February 2025)
If this were all about ‘self-care’ – an overused millennial euphemism for being a narcissist – you would be at a phone-free New Mexico spa microdosing South American psychedelics working out your demons. Instead, you’re parading around half-naked like a pharmaceutically whittled down attention hound.
This better be the plot for your next straight-to-streaming dramedy, ‘How Amy Got Her Groove Back.’ Because if it’s not, you’re like every other over-sharing, man-hungry hussy on social media whose desire for fame exceeds her dignity.
It’s beneath you, it’s…basic.
Amy, if I want to be inspired by a cultural vixen, I’ll take a gander at Sydney Sweeney.
Why don’t you stick to what you did so well… self-effacing, down-to-earth comedy.
I hope you’re good, Amy Schumer. But I prefer you meaty, not needy. Put down your phone, have a good cry and eat a sandwich.
We’ll be here for you when you return to form.
Deflating…
Swimsuit model and annoying influencer, Brooks Nader apparently wants to look more like she used to. So, she’s had her signature lip filler dissolved.
Maybe she tucked the extra syringes of lip goop into her boobs.
If she ever dissolves those suckers we’ll know she really means business.
Swimsuit model and annoying influencer, Brooks Nader apparently wants to look more like she used to
Faking It
Elon Musk’s baby mama Ashley St Clair is livid her sperm donor’s AI system Grok is generating pornographic images of her.
She’s also mad President Trump won’t ‘crack down’ on it because he’s Elon’s ‘dinner buddy’.
Now, digital sexploitation is definitely not ok. But Trashley, did it ever occur to you the president might be a bit busy?
Did it ever occur to Trashley the president might be busy with real problems like Iran and Venezuela?
Mom’s the word
Mandy Moore is wading into the toxic sludge in the aftermath of Ashley Tisdale’s break up with her nasty mom group. The lady mob used to include Mandy, Ashley Duff and her fellow child star Hilary.
Now Mandy says she’s mourning the loss of their little tribe with ‘quiet grief.’
Jeeze, can’t these mean girls follow their kids’ lead and grow up?
In the aftermath of Ashley Tisdale’s break up with her mom group, Mandy Moore (pictured) says she’s mourning with ‘quiet grief’
What a joke
Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser told Howard Stern she cut some of the political jokes from Sunday’s broadcast because they were ‘not funny.’
What a concept! An honest comic who can read the room?
If Stephen Colbert had followed that blueprint, he’d still have a job.
Button It
Speaking of the Globes, Bill Maher was spotted cackling at insufferable celebs, like Mark Ruffalo, wearing ‘Be Good’ badges in memory of Renee Good, shot by ICE in Minneapolis.
Maher pointed out that the blowhards were there for ‘showbusiness,’ because there wasn’t a ‘Free Iran’ placard to be seen.
I’m not always Maher’s biggest fan, but I’m glad somebody put a pin in this gross virtue-signaling stunt.
Mark Ruffalo wears a ‘Be Good’ button on the Golden Globes red carpet, in memory of Renee Good
Would you credit it?
Disgraced former Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot (no relation to Gordon) is being sued by JPMorgan Chase over an unpaid $11,000 credit card bill.
I guess the Beetlejuice impersonator market isn’t that lucrative after all!
