I hoped I’d snag a case of omicron. It’s the least harmful of all of the variants up to now and it presents up that candy pure immunity. I requested, and the Lord answered. Lastly, I acquired the bat flu.
You will have heard two completely different tales about omicron. The physician who found it in South Africa mentioned it’s a light flu and few, if any, will die of it. Then you definitely heard our supposedly elected president inform us recalcitrant rednecks that not getting vaccinated would lead to a “winter of extreme sickness and demise.” Sorry, Joe, however I’m going with the physician on this one. It was extra like an prolonged week of delicate, annoying signs and a fever.
Background: I’m a 56-year-old white male, unvaccinated, and I weigh about 190 lbs and am 6 ft tall. I may have bronchial asthma; I’ve by no means been identified with it however I sometimes have nasty coughing jags that I relieve with two blasts of Primatene Mist. I’ve at all times assumed I’ve allergy symptoms however I’ve by no means bothered to examine that, both. So, bronchial asthma or allergy symptoms, I doubtless have one of many two, possibly each. I don’t suppose I’ve seen a health care provider since one lit a cigarette, smacked my ass, and mentioned, “It’s a boy.”
It’s essential to notice that I don’t know which variant I had. I do know that, in my area, 90-95% of all new COVID-19 instances are omicron, however all deaths have been attributed to delta.
I’m unsure when the signs began to be noticeable, however on what I name “Day 1,” I felt a slight but deep ache in my shoulders at evening. I had simply shoveled snow that morning so I assumed that’s what damage, although it appeared too “deep” to be a results of shoveling snow. I lived a traditional night of writing, ingesting manhattans, and texting PJ Media’s Stephen Kruiser about what number of weapons we’ve versus what number of we really want for the good reset. Or boobs — we might have been texting about boobs.
I awakened and my complete physique felt barely sore in a “deep” method, particularly my shoulders and knees. Being that I’m a person, I once more assumed it was the results of shoveling snow. However I’m additionally an fool; if a health care provider confirmed me an x-ray detailing in depth bowel most cancers, I’d attempt to stroll it off.
I made a decision to eat one among my Puerto Rican, Trump-loving girlfriend’s Woman Scout cookies — a Tagalong, to be precise — to ensure I might nonetheless style. There’s nothing higher than the style of a Tagalong and all its peanut butter goodness. I might nonetheless style. Hallelujah.
I had a gig in Delaware that evening, so I hit the highway. My Puerto Rican, Trump-loving girlfriend determined to affix me — or, fairly, tag alongside. Heh-heh-heh.
I awakened in Delaware feeling high quality, however by 3:00 p.m. I used to be sick. I had fatigue, fever, chills, and a bit nausea. I tried to eat a cheeseburger however stop after two bites.
Each couple of years, I snag a 24-hour flu, often on an evening when I’ve a present. I assumed it could possibly be that, however I kinda sorta knew I in all probability had the Hong Kong Fluey.
I opened a bag of espresso within the resort room, simply to see if I might scent it. (I might!) I had one other gig that evening and advised the present supervisor I wasn’t feeling effectively. We agreed I’d keep towards the again of the stage. COVID can do many issues, however it will probably’t journey by a sound system.
I awakened feeling like crap. Fever and chills, fatigue, coughing, mind fog, nausea, light-headedness, and what I’ll name “gastrointestinal woes.” Every part one needs for a three-hour drive dwelling. My Puerto Rican, Trump-loving girlfriend felt crappy, too, however determined she’d higher captain us again.
Minutes after arriving dwelling, I went right into a coughing jag, to the purpose that I vomited, twice. I used to be coughing a lot that my throat was closing up, and but I someway heaved. However two blasts from my trusty Primatine Mist, and I used to be again to respiratory usually. (NOTE: repeated mentions of the glories of Primatine Mist inform me previous age is upon me. See you on the seashore with our steel detectors. If I’m carrying a Speedo, shoot me).
Whereas we have been away, the mailman had delivered a COVID take a look at that my Puerto Rican, Trump-loving girlfriend ordered weeks in the past. Good timing!
There have been two assessments within the field. I examined constructive and he or she examined detrimental. I alerted my PJ Media homies that I felt like crap and was constructive for the ‘rona, so they might know to not anticipate a lot from me for a bit, and in addition as a result of I knew somebody them would have info on easy methods to proceed. Our wonderful and irreplaceable Stacy Lennox despatched me some useful suggestions for beating the bat stew flu, which I embraced, particularly the next:
- combine Betadine with water, gargle, spit
- combine Betadine with water, fire-hose it up each nostrils, rinse, spit
- gargle once more with Listerine or Scope
- take nutritional vitamins D and C, zinc, and Quercetin
Blasting the Betadine concoction up each nostrils jogged my memory of being a child, cannonballing right into a pool and having water rocket by my sinuses and into my throat.
I awakened on day 5 feeling higher. I assumed the worst was over. I took my nutritional vitamins, zinc, and Quercetin and promptly power-vomited them into my sink. (My bathroom nonetheless wanted an excellent cleansing after the aforementioned “gastrointestinal woes” earlier than I’d put my OCD face wherever close to it). That performed, the worst of the signs have been certainly over.
Very similar to herpes, the Chinese language Sneeze has this funky behavior of creating you suppose it’s gone, then WHAM! Lie down and take a look at once more later. Or tomorrow.
The unhealthy information of COVID is that you simply don’t really feel effectively sufficient to do a lot. Even showering looks like climbing a mountain.
The excellent news about COVID is you gained’t really feel like cooking and even consuming for that matter. You’ll doubtless have meals delivered that you simply gained’t even eat. I subsisted on a gentle weight loss plan of water and Woman Scout cookies. I watched my buddies stay their lives on Fb however couldn’t take part, as Zuckertool had put me in a 30-day lockdown for expressing my supposed 1st Modification proper to publish offensive memes. On Day 7, I used to be capable of eat some Chinese language meals, in honor of the nation that made me sick. Each time I felt higher, the woozies returned.
My fever nonetheless hadn’t fully damaged, and I started to surprise if I wanted ivermectin. Seems, extra folks have entry to ivermectin than you suppose; they simply aren’t speaking about it. Ivermectin is the cocaine of 2022. If you happen to put it on the market, ivermectin pushers seem out of nowhere. A comic good friend was working a cruise ship and provided to choose some up in Mexico. One other good friend knew of a “telepharmacy” that might mail it to me. All good data, contemplating I’m in New York and our racist, pinko governor has determined any and all COVID meds are to be reserved for “non-white” folks.
Most essential to me was that I not get significantly sick. I couldn’t fathom Biden’s prediction of a “winter of extreme sickness and demise” being correct. Biden is a warty toad. He was fallacious. Mr. Toad’s wild prediction was not even near actuality.
Oddly, a number of buddies had Normal Tsao’s flu on the similar time, although I hadn’t truly seen any of them in particular person for weeks.
The place did I get it? I do not know, however based mostly on what I learn, I in all probability snagged it on New Yr’s Eve weekend. Day 1 hit six days after New Yr’s Eve, which I spent in an upstate New York city filled with mask-loving hipsters and mandate-embracing COVIDtards. Good strive, libs.
If you happen to haven’t had the Wu-flu but, that is what you will have to sit up for, although most of my buddies felt higher after 4 days. I’m on Day 10 and I’ve no fever and a slight cough. (Primatine … you realize.) I nonetheless don’t have any urge for food.
To not brag, however I’m about to placed on pants for the primary time since Day 4.
I’m additionally ingesting the worst espresso I’ve even made, or possibly my style is lastly gone. I can’t inform.
Source: PJ Media