Serena Williams is arguably the greatest female athlete of all time. Her skill, power and marketability have made her a cultural force who transcends tennis.
Which is why her latest partnership, launched with a glossy photo shoot for People magazine, is so repulsive.
Serena appears, air-brushed to within an inch of her tennis skirt, gunning a GLP-1 drug into her abdomen and thigh, while bemoaning the universal difficulty of shedding pounds after giving birth to her second daughter.
‘I never was able to get to the weight I needed to be no matter what I did, no matter how much I trained,’ she blubbed. ‘I had never taken shortcuts in my career and always worked really hard. I know what it takes to be the best.’
Spare me the soft-serve interview. I’m calling total BS. Like, a steaming, putrid pile of hot cow turd.
That filtered photo of her mainlining the skinny juice is really just Serena shooting money right into her already overflowing bank account.
Because she’s not just a user, she’s now a spokesperson for Ro – a telehealth company that ‘connects’ patients with weight-loss drugs and their dealers, sorry, providers. ‘It’s not a shortcut,’ Ro’s logo states. ‘It’s a lifestyle.’
Really? Because opting for an injectable weight-loss drug when you have an army of nutritionists, trainers, private chefs, meditation coaches, doctors and gurus sure looks like a shortcut to me.
That filtered photo of her mainlining the skinny juice is really just Serena shooting money right into her already overflowing bank account
Serena (pictured last month) bemoaned the universal difficulty of shedding pounds after giving birth to her second daughter
Spare me the soft-serve interview. I’m calling total BS. Like, a steaming, putrid pile of hot cow turd
And what about the message it’s sending to the millions of women who could probably achieve their weight loss goals through calorie reduction, healthier food choices and physical activities?
‘If Serena is chained to the scale and she’s given up, why shouldn’t I?’ you ask. Great question!
Don’t get me wrong, these drugs are lifesavers for diabetics and the morbidly tubby for whom there was previously no hope.
The deadly trend of embracing disgustingly rotund folks in the name of ‘body positivity’ was laughably cruel and only hastened 500+ pounders’ trips to the morgue.
But now Serena’s tipping the scales in the opposite direction and my fear is we’re trading in one deadly trend – death by girth – for another: prescription anorexia.
The negative side effects of these drugs include saggy ‘Ozempic face,’ nausea, stomach problems and a heightened risk of thyroid cancer.
But what’s a little diarrhea when you can look sooooo skinny?
The world’s greatest has given you permission to pharmaceutically starve yourself because retirement has turned her from a hard-working beast into a greedy, vain glorious influencer, happy to fatten her bank account while you wither.
If Serena had embraced her new curves and tailored her workouts accordingly, not only would women everywhere be on board, they might also be healthier for the long haul.
In a quick-fix world where women are literally dying to be a size zero, I hope the high is worth it for you Serena.
Because just like the putrid burps that plague so many GLP-1 users, your latest partnership stinks.
French Roast
France’s First Couple are suing vile MAGA influencer and avowed anti-Semite Candace Owens for claiming Brigitte Macron was born with a baguette. Proving there’s only one b*** bigger than Candace and that’s karma.
France’s President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte Macron are suing Candace Owens
Panned out
The man-hating club just acquired a hot new member. Julia Fox is out and proud. After a two-year celibacy stint, she’s a pansexual and mad as hell that she augmented her body just to make dudes happy. Newsflash, dum-dum: lesbians like hot women too.
Phoning it in
Speaking of curvy sirens, Kylie Jenner got the birthday present of a lifetime when her dead-eyed boyfriend went out of his way by ‘coordinating’ a FaceTime call. What a hopeless romantic! Maybe it’s time to make good on those breakup rumors and tell Timmy to take a long walk off a short Dune! (Get it?)
Kylie Jenner got the birthday present of a lifetime when her dead-eyed boyfriend went out of his way by ‘coordinating’ a FaceTime call
Bilking it
Worried Taylor Swift wouldn’t make any money from her 12th studio album? You can breathe a sigh of relief. So far, she’s scheduled to release four vinyl variants of her forthcoming album The Life of a Showgirl. Apparently, Tay Tay will only be satisfied when that life is dipped in gold and smothered in platinum.
Wet and wild
Lena Dunham, you have competition! In the ‘Quick, get this broad a robe!’ department, Jennifer Tilly is thirsty and naked in a pool in an Instagram post titled ‘thirst trap.’ Well, she’s clearly not starving! It made me wonder, is Sea World still open?
Jennifer Tilly posed nude in her swimming pool in a pinup photo shared to Instagram on Monday
Haute Mama
The ink is barely dry on Millie Bobby Brown and Jake Bongiovi’s marriage certificate, but the actress and rock nepo baby are already parents! They adopted a baby girl in a rush to become a family, and like her $2850 Louis Vuitton bag, they’re proving babies are the best accessory.
