I remember, sometime back in the mid-90s, when we were living in Colorado, that the animal rights group PETA raised a stink up in Wyoming. Wyoming, you see, is the Cowboy State (and rightly so), and its license plate features a cowboy on a bucking bronco. That’s what PETA was on about; they claimed that the license plate promoted animal cruelty and demanded its removal. Wyoming’s response to PETA amounted to telling them to demand in one hand and defecate in the other, and see which hand filled up first. That, to my thinking, was the correct response.
Now, once again, PETA is up to its old nitwittery. This time it’s the upcoming Groundhog Day, and PETA is launching another attack on the famous Pennsylvania observation of that day, which does not include Bill Murray but does include a real, live groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil.
That’s what PETA’s upset about, and they want the Governor of Pennsylvania to push for some alternatives.
PETA is once again trying to retire Punxsutawney Phil ahead of Groundhog Day on Feb. 2.
Per legend, if the groundhog emerges from its burrow and sees its shadow, it will return to its den, forecasting six more weeks of winter. If the groundhog does not see its shadow, it’s assumed spring will come early. Last year, the rodent saw its shadow, predicting a longer winter.
However, the nonprofit has repeatedly tried to sway Pennsylvania officials from using a live animal for the tradition. Last year, PETA offered to replace the rodent with a vegan “weather reveal” cake, a proposal officials declined.
This year, PETA wants to switch out Punxsutawney Phil in exchange for a massive, state-of-the-art, 3D projection of a groundhog — complete with vocal weather predictions — if the animal and his family are able to retire to a reputable sanctuary, a PETA news release states.
Look, I’ve watched plenty of videos and examined plenty of photos of the various members of the species Marmota monax to serve in this role for many years, and if you want to see a fat, contented woodchuck, this is where you go to find one. PETA, though, is spreading its usual hysteria.
“Every year, this terrified little animal is subjected to loud announcers and noisy crowds and held up and waved around without any regard for his feelings, welfare, or instincts,” PETA wrote in this year’s letter to Tom Dunkel, the president of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club.
“Phil feels fear and discomfort just as humans do, and he’s not a willing participant in this annual spectacle. And with the hologram, the town could still make a buck out of Chuck.”
Punxsutawney and the governor aren’t having it. Both have told PETA to go pound sand.
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Here’s the thing: This isn’t about the animal. It’s never about the animal. PETA wasn’t ever overly concerned with actual animals. PETA is a fundraising and publicity front, and through its history, it has served the primary purpose of paying for Ingrid Newkirk’s stunts and allowing her to schmooze with the empty-headed Hollywood kooks who buy her line of horse squeeze.
So, to Pennsylvania and to Punxsutawney in particular, I can only say this: Happy Groundhog Day, and after the wintry blast that much of the lower 48 suffered, let’s hope for an early spring.
No animals were harmed or endangered in the writing of this story.
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