Matildas superstar Mary Fowler has revealed she almost took her own life as she struggled with suicidal thoughts that started when she was just 17 years old.
Fowler has made the brave admission in her upcoming book, Bloom, in which she explains that she is ‘still dealing with’ the mental health battle that left her on the edge of disaster just before her 20th birthday.
The Manchester City star had moved to France to play for the Montpellier HSC club when she hit her lowest ebb.
‘One night, I got closer than ever before,’ she writes in the memoir.
‘In that moment, I didn’t follow through.
‘But I did sit there for most of the night pleading for anyone up above who would listen to please just take me.’
Matildas superstar Mary Fowler has bravely detailed her terrifying battle with suicidal thoughts, which reached a low point when she was playing in France
Fowler (pictured in the Défilé L’Oreal Paris show at Paris Fashion Week in September) started experiencing suicidal ideation when she was just 17
The 22-year-old said she has ‘healed’ from that battle after seeking professional help – and confiding in her friends and family
Fowler, who started playing in representative teams aged just 10, starred for the Young Matildas at 15 and signed with Montpellier when she was 17, writes that her incredibly dark thoughts were fuelled by her ‘sense of loss’ at having grow up too fast, and being isolated from her family and friends.
The 22-year-old said she began to self-harm while she was in France as a way of dealing with her mental anguish.
‘The motivation was to divert my emotional pain,’ she said.
‘Looking back now, it’s bizarre that I thought physically harming myself would feel better than dealing with my emotions, but I was young and didn’t know how to cope with the situation in front of me.
‘I was having a bit of an identity crisis, trying to deal with the expectation to perform and struggling to navigate a difficult work environment.’
As horrific as that struggle with suicidal ideation was, Fowler believes it helped mould her into a better person.
‘Despite all the challenges in Montpellier, it changed me in beautiful ways,’ she writes.
‘It burst the bubble of my football world and opened my eyes to the life all around me I was taking for granted in my pursuit of fame.
Fowler’s footy star boyfriend Nathan Cleary (pictured together) has been a rock for her as she used him as an inspiration during her mental health fight
The Manchester City forward said the size of the mental health and suicide problem in Australia ‘blew my mind’
Fowler has bravely opened up about her ordeal in her new book, Bloom
‘My idea of success was erased and rewritten in a more holistic way … life has become so much more than I could’ve imagined, which has made me incredibly grateful to my past self for choosing to keep trying.’
Currently out of action while recovering from a serious knee injury, Fowler told News Corp that her boyfriend, Penrith NRL star Nathan Cleary, has been a rock for her as she bounces back from the lowest point in her life.
‘Something I really appreciate in our relationship is that although we’re both professional athletes, most of our talk is about the mental side,’ she said.
‘Nathan has been so helpful with that.
‘He is almost like a role model for me. I draw inspiration from what he does, because we are both such different athletes.’
Fowler added that she has received professional help with her mental health as well as confiding in her family and friends as she ‘healed’, but the terrifying episode has left a lasting mark on her.
‘I can’t lie and say that some days it doesn’t affect me,’ she writes.
‘In trying to understand more about how I got into that position, I was doing research online about the current statistics in Australia around mental health and suicide.
‘It just blew my mind how big those numbers are.
‘It really connected with me that, in a way, I could easily have been one of those statistics.’
Fowler was reunited with Cleary earlier this month as he toured England with Australia’s national rugby league team, the Kangaroos.
She also opened up about how their romance has changed since it first drew attention in mid-2023 after they were photographed together at several public events, including an ice-cream date and a park outing soon after the Women’s World Cup.
The pair confirmed their romance later that year, with Cleary attending Matildas matches and Fowler spotted supporting Penrith’s NRL finals campaign.
‘I’ve become a lot more comfortable with expressing my love and just being a lot more present with him, and with others, when people are watching,’ she said.
In 2024, the stars balanced their high-profile sporting careers with a long-distance relationship as Fowler played in England for Manchester City while Cleary remained in Australia.
The couple were able to catch up earlier this year when Fowler was in Australia with the Matildas, despite recovering from an ACL tear.
Fowler is pictured while playing for French team Montpellier HSC. It was during that stint that she was left ‘pleading for anyone up above who would listen to please just take me’
The Queensland-born forward (pictured playing for the Matildas in April) is currently sidelined while she recovers from a serious knee injury
She was unable to watch Cleary in the first Ashes Test as it clashed with her Manchester City commitments.
Fowler stunned her fans in September as she became the first professional footballer to walk the runway in the prestigious Défilé L’Oreal Paris show at Paris Fashion Week as she stepped out with superstars including Kendall Jenner and Eva Longoria.
The talented forward, who has been an ambassador for L’Oréal Paris since 2024, wore a one-sleeved black suit dress and black heels for her trip down the catwalk, looking confident and even blowing the crowd a kiss.
She also posed up for a star-studded group shot at the show featuring household names like Jenner, Helen Mirren, Jane Fonda, Gillian Anderson and Cara Delevingne.
When news of her appearance broke earlier this month, Fowler admitted she was a ‘little nervous’ about being front and centre on the runway at the Hotel de Ville.
‘Honestly, I never imagined I’d be walking any runway, let alone one for L’Oreal that’s in Paris of all places,’ she said.
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