Stephen Ireland’s phone is ringing off the hook in the wake of Wythenshawe Vets’ latest demolition job.
With former Chelsea and Leicester City star Danny Drinkwater alongside him in midfield, ex-Wigan Athletic ace Maynor Figueroa anchoring the defence, and a front two of George Boyd and Papiss Cisse, this star-studded group of over-35 ex-pros have just blown South Liverpool away 13-0 to continue their invincible start to the season.
Last month, Joleon Lescott scored a hat-trick, Oumar Niasse played wing-back, Nedum Onuoha featured, as did former England striker Emile Heskey.
‘My phone hasn’t stopped!’ Ireland says.
‘I’ve got people going, “how do I get involved, how do I sign up?” I just want to be wary of not bringing too many people, because I want it to be a mix of the proper old vets with maybe four or five pros each time. But it is great fun, even as an incentive during the week to prepare for it. That’s what it’s like now.’
Wayne Rooney is understood to be keen to lace up for a game soon, while Daily Mail Sport understands UFC legend Conor McGregor is trying to fix up a showdown with Wythenshawe over in Dublin next month.
Wythenshawe Vets have an unusual amount of quality within their ranks (Pictured: Papiss Cisse, George Boyd, Tom Rodgers, Blake Norton, Maynor Figueroa, Neil Chappell; BOTTOM ROW: Stephen Ireland, Danny Drinkwater, Owen Trainor, Ben Jackson, Rory Fallon)
With a number of former Premier League stars turning out every weekend, the team are a Sunday League team like no other
Welcome to Sunday League football like you have never seen it before.
Papiss Cisse is late.
While his team-mates are out warming up at Hollyhedge Park, Cisse is still getting ready in the changing room. Jokes are flying.
Cisse is a serial offender when it comes to lateness. Former Everton striker Niasse is a close second in this department. They are lucky there isn’t a fines list.
By the time Cisse surfaces, chuckling to himself with his signature smile, the one-time £9million-rated Newcastle United striker is getting a pasting from team-mates.
‘You owe us six goals now, Pap!’
Six felt something of a conservative estimate for this super team that has started the Cheshire Vets Premier Division with 7-1, 10-1 and 6-2 wins heading into Sunday’s clash with South Liverpool. All 23 of those goals have been scored by former Premier League stars. Thirteen more would be added before close of play.
Cisse, making just his second appearance for the side, scored all six goals on debut in a 6-2 win over reigning champions Collegiate Old Boys. He can get away with being a little late.
‘It is surreal,’ manager Kieran Megran tells Daily Mail Sport.
Former Newcastle star Papiss Cisse scored all six games in his first-ever game for his new side
Stephen Ireland has been instrumental in tempting former professionals into the team
‘I was watching some of these when I was growing up but yeah, it has made me job a lot easier I’ve got to admit!’
Cisse never stopped smiling. Not when a ball ballooned over the clubhouse perilously close to the windscreen of a green Lamborghini. Not when he missed a first half penalty, hit the post with a rebound, and his resulting corner went straight out of play. Not when he tried a Rabona cross. Not when team-mates made jokes at his expense. And definitely not when he rounded off his afternoon with seven second-half goals.
‘As he was walking back, I said, “Paps, was the traffic bad on the way here? You get stuck and turn up at half time!” He was brilliant,’ defender Blake Norton said.
While this was a far from an ordinary Sunday League occasion – a huge crowd of 800 turned up to see many familiar faces roll back the years – there was still plenty that fit the bill.
There was the strict referee enforcing IFAB’s eight-second goal-kick rule, or the moment when South Liverpool, down to nine men in the second half after having one sent off and one in the sin bin, snuck two back on for a few minutes before the referee realised.
Two Wythenshawe players, one of which was former Swansea City and West Brom winger Jefferson Montero, both wearing the No 20. Or the vaping linesman.
For South Liverpool, a team made up of electricians, plumbers, and general tradesmen, led by player-coach Hilel Alkanshaly, a property developer by day, they were eager to give as good as they got to the ex-pros.
‘Early on one of the lads tried meggsing me!’ Drinkwater, making his debut after failing to land international clearance for their last match, laughed.
Danny Drinkwater has been outspoken about his enjoyment of playing while still having a laugh
‘He didn’t succeed but he misplaced a pass and it went through my bloody legs about five minutes later and he said “I told you to shut your legs!” I was thinking for f***s sake, how have you got away with that?’
That was Alkanshaly. He was in Figueroa’s ear all game, too.
‘He’s a big lad but I think he underestimated my strength! I was in his ear. They were all good lads.’
Wythenshawe Vets were a very good team even before this Premier League recruitment drive.
Last season they won 30 out of 32 games, losing in the Lancashire Cup final to Bamber Bridge, and the Manchester Cup final to De La Salle FC.
For Norton and Megran, they just needed more quality.
‘I started getting a bit annoyed,’ Norton explained.
‘I came off the pitch after the Bamber Bridge one, and I started messaging Stevie like, “you need to play”. And he was like, “oh I’ll have a look at it”, and then it just snowballed from there.’
The crowds can scarcely compare to those attending top-flight fixtures but Wythenshawe’s opponents still look to put on a show against the ex-stars
One difference at the Sunday League side is the players’ limited interest in anything beyond a ‘token’ warm-up
Ireland is in impeccable shape at 39, training as hard now, if not harder, than he did during his days as a pro at Manchester City and Aston Villa. He waltzed around the pitch and barely broke sweat.
Norton and Ireland had a WhatsApp group running throughout the Covid-19 pandemic which was littered with ex-pros. As things started to open up, casual nine-a-side matches were arranged on a Tuesday. The losing team would have to pay the cost of the pitch.
Ravel Morrison, Danny Simpson, Phil Bardsley, Dale Stephens, Glenn Whelan, Joleon Lescott, Danny Webber, Montero, Figueroa, Boyd and Cisse are all involved. Last season Antonio Valencia and Wes Morgan also played on Tuesdays.
‘If there’s 10 minutes to go and it’s 4-4, it starts getting a bit lively, it gets a bit spicy and people are flying in because they don’t want to give the tenner up,’ Norton joked.
With Ireland recruited by Norton for Wythenshawe’s Sunday games, word soon spread through the Tuesday lot. Some were initially sceptical but it didn’t take long for many to be setting up direct debits to the club for the £15-a-month player subs. No discounts here.
Sunday’s clash is far more one-sided after Cisse’s second-half showstopper. Having scored six goals in the previous league game, his seven here, the last two teed up by Drinkwater, puts him at 13 goals in two games.
‘It’s obviously a massive contrast but, and without sounding totally daft, there is still as much enjoyment in it,’ Drinkwater said.
‘You walk in in your casuals and you’re having a laugh and then you go out, do a 10-minute token warm-up and then you finish the match and have a pint. It’s as good as it’s going to get really.’
Megran is determined to win the Treble this season: Vets League, Lancashire Cup, and the Manchester Cup.
‘We laugh and joke that it’s like when you go to the takeaway so it’s “right, this is what we’ve got available”. Then it’s who do we need? Who can we have? You can have him, him, him and him.
‘I’ve never been in a situation like this before but I’m going to run with it, we’re going to run with it as a club, and hopefully win the Treble, that’s the aim.’
Now imagine adding Rooney’s 208 Premier League goals to this mix…
