Standing in front of the mirror before my son’s wedding in March 2023, I felt crushed. At a size 18, my expensive dress was bigger than any I’d worn in my life – and I’d had it taken out another two inches at the last minute. At 13 and a half stone, I was so much bigger than I’d been just a year before.
I’d been a confident size 12 for years, maintaining a healthy weight of around 10st. I swam three times a week and enjoyed long dog walks. I ate normally and knew I could lose a few pounds by being sensible and cutting out treats if I’d overindulged.
But when I turned 50 in 2020, I went into full menopause. In just a month, I put on a stone. I was still cooking fresh meals, I was still active and, as the weight piled on, I cut down on portion sizes. But the extra weight just wouldn’t shift. Within a year, I’d gained two stone.
So I started trying different diets and I’d shed a few pounds – but they always piled back on, with interest. My husband Amin tried to reassure me that he still found me attractive – but it wasn’t about how he felt, it was about how I felt.
I’m only 5ft 3in, meaning my BMI was in the obese category, and I hated the way I looked. It was so frustrating – I felt I couldn’t wear the bright, fashionable clothes I loved and my confidence nosedived.
After months of lockdown, when everyone was thrilled to get back together, I stopped accepting social invitations – no meals out, parties or even coffee with friends. I felt too embarrassed to see them.
In summer 2021, Amin and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary with a wonderful trip to Barbados. I wore a swimsuit but I’d always cover up with sarongs. Even in paradise, I felt like a prisoner in my own body.
My eldest son Adam announced his engagement the following year. I was overjoyed for him. But privately, I was filled with dread about how I’d look at the wedding.
Shazia with her eldest son Adam at his wedding. When I saw the photographs a few weeks later, I was devastated, she says
In summer 2021, Amin and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary with a wonderful trip to Barbados, says Shazia. I wore a swimsuit but I’d always cover up with sarongs…
… even in paradise, I felt like a prisoner in my own body, she adds
For the big day in 2023, I had my hair and make-up done professionally. I wore a beautiful Indian dress and tried to smile for the cameras. But mostly, I avoided everyone, feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable.
When I saw the photographs a few weeks later, I was devastated. It had been such a lovely day, celebrating Adam and his beautiful bride, and all I could think was, ‘How did I let myself get to this stage?’
Those photos were my breaking point. I’d wasted our 30th anniversary hiding under sarongs, I’d avoided socialising for two years – and now I’d hidden at my own son’s wedding.
Thankfully, I had another lovely occasion coming up. In September 2024 Zayn, our younger son, announced he was getting married too – and this time, I was determined to overcome my weight issues. I’d tried the food replacement system LighterLife back in October 2007, to shift the weight I was still carrying after Zayn was born.
I lost three and a half stone in three months and kept it off. I knew it was time for something radical again – so in June 2024, I went on to an intense programme to give me a kick start. The 12-week programme involves four meal replacement packs a day, about 600 calories in total, and cost around £2 per pack.
Needless to say, the first ten days were brutal – I felt so hungry and exhausted and was ready to quit, but my mentor Lisa was key to my success. She was available for daily support, and we had weekly group sessions online. Lisa regularly reminded me that the process was designed to rewire my brain around food, by giving it a break from the usual craving and bingeing cycle.
I also liked the ‘mindfulness’ and cognitive behavioural elements.
In our weekly sessions, we often delved into uncomfortable territory – examining the core reasons for our eating habits, our relationship with food and our emotional triggers. For me, being in the right headspace was the key to keeping it up.
Shazia with Amin at their younger son Zayn’s wedding
Shazia now… I don’t see a woman hiding from anyone any more, she says. I’m free to be fully myself
The first two weeks were so difficult, I really needed the online support. But quickly, I learned I wasn’t always as hungry as I thought. Often, my body needed water, not food.
I learned to distract myself when triggers came up, too, which led to a newfound love of pampering myself with face masks and hair oils.
Within weeks, I felt lighter and more energetic. I could jog up stairs without getting breathless and carry my grandson Gabriel without wanting to hand him over after a few minutes. My morning walks with friends became enjoyable again, not embarrassing struggles where I had to constantly slow down.
By the time of my dress fitting, just one week before Zayn’s wedding, I’d lost so much weight that the dress had to be taken in by four inches.
The difference between Adam’s wedding photos and Zayn’s is like night and day. In Adam’s photos, I’m tense, hiding, barely there. In Zayn’s photos, I’m radiant with happiness and confidence.
My blood pressure, which had been diagnosed as high back in July 2022, is now stable. My health has improved dramatically. I swim regularly again and take Gabriel to swimming lessons on Saturday mornings. Before, I would never have worn a swimming costume in front of other parents.
I even dress differently when I go to work at our care home. I stand straighter. I carry myself with confidence I haven’t felt in years.
My relationship with food has completely changed. I’ve learned to take time to enjoy my meals, to think about mealtimes as a positive experience rather than an emotional crutch or a source of shame. I learned to focus on one meal at a time, one day at a time. I was nervous when I slowly began to introduce ‘real’ food, so I included the packs until I felt I had a routine.
Before, I’d have toast and jam for breakfast, a chicken mayo wrap for lunch, biscuits at teatime and a big curry for dinner. Now, I’ll have a banana or apple, a salad and chicken with peppers or stir-fried salmon fillets. If I crave an ice cream, I’ll have one – but I won’t have another the next day.
In June 2024, I weighed 13.5 stone. Now, I keep my weight at a steady 8st 13lbs – and eating well has become second nature. I’m healthier, more confident, more present in my own life and I have my joy back.
Looking at those wedding photos from Zayn’s big day, I don’t see a woman hiding from anyone any more. I’m free to be fully myself.
As told to Flic Everett
