For an Australian expat in London, long-haul flights are a fact of life. Inevitably, so too is the jet lag, that hideous feeling of being out of sync with the clock, leading to hours of lying in bed wide awake while everyone around you is asleep.
These days I take it in my stride – I know it is only temporary – but jet lag used to send me into a spiral of panic.
This was in my 20s and 30s when I was an insomniac, and the more I fixated on needing sleep, the less I got. Most nights it was around two to three hours.
While insomnia has many triggers, I believe, for me, the most important factor was psychological. It started after I arrived in London in my early 20s, having been appointed editor of a pop magazine. I loved it but the hours were inhumane. I would regularly do 30 straight hours in the office.
I needed enough energy to function but there was no time for the activities that might have helped me sleep – such as exercise, socialising or any sort of relaxation.
After work I’d race home to bed and lie there, unable to switch off, fixated on how dreadful I would feel the next day. As the minutes turned to hours, I’d be consumed with despair. I started using over-the-counter sleep remedies, but they just made me feel tired while still awake.
I even went through a phase of adding alcohol to the mix, which did sometimes help me to pass out for a couple of hours. But we all know that alcohol is the enemy of deep sleep and just makes you snap awake in the middle of the night. It’s not a rational strategy.
Sometimes I’d be so enraged with my sleeplessness that I’d slap myself in the face repeatedly – whether out of frustration or because I thought I could knock myself out, I can’t remember.
As an Australian expat in London, long-haul flights are a fact of life for Jo. So too is the jet lag, that hideous feeling of being out of sync with the clock, leading to hours of lying in bed wide awake
Yet even then, it did not occur to me to see a doctor.
The turning point finally came when I was 35 and had a baby. I’d left the job with the killer hours but unfortunately taken the insomnia with me, and with an infant too I was really struggling.
Then, one day, I arranged for my friend Kath to meet my eight-week old daughter. I was on my fourth day of one hour’s sleep a night and I can still remember how dire I felt – nauseous, with every joint aching.
I left Kath a message begging her to reschedule, but she never received it and turned up on my doorstep.
I was horrified – wondering how I’d have the energy to get through the visit – but pulled myself together.
Yet it was transformative. She made me laugh, and reassured me I was doing a good enough job with my baby.
By the time Kath left, I felt completely energised. I had not only got through her visit – I had actually enjoyed it.
I realised that a terrible night’s sleep is not the end of the world, and that beating myself up about it only makes matters worse. After 12 years of insomnia, I finally stopped obsessing about sleep.
That was 20 years ago and ever since, my sleep has been so much better.
While insomnia has many triggers, JO ELVIN believes the most important are psychological
While there are still some nights I struggle, I stay calm about what it will mean for the next day, which makes it more likely I’ll drop off. Even if I only sleep for a couple of hours, I will be fine, I tell myself.
If you’re still in the grips of insomnia, here are nine tips I’ve found actually work to help you have a good night’s sleep…
Have a sleep divorce
If you can, sleep in separate rooms. My husband keeps me awake with his snoring. Then my anger about it means he lies there scared to breathe. I love him, but our relationship could not survive sleeping in the same bed.
Play mind games
If I really cannot relax enough to drop off, I try reverse psychology. ‘OK,’ I tell myself, ‘You’re not allowed to shut your eyes.’ The next thing I know it’s morning.
No coffee after noon
If there’s caffeine is in my system, I’ll struggle to sleep. It’s why I also leave the chocolate alone in the evening.
Ditch your phone
The blue light from our phones is a brain stimulant. My phone is turned off by 10pm each night.
Ban clocks too
I no longer have a bedside clock. If I do need to set an alarm, I face any clock away from me so I can’t look at the time. Nothing good comes from knowing it’s 4am and you need to get up in two hours.
Try ditching your bedside clock if you’re struggling to get some shut-eye
Sleep space only
No work or TV in the bedroom. Have a space your mind associates with nothing but restfulness.
Up the exercise
In my 20s, I was an insomniac and also barely moved. If I’m working out regularly, my body will put itself in recovery mode with sleep.
Keep stretching
Whenever I’ve carved out 20 minutes to stretch properly it is a game changer for experiencing deeper relaxation. There are plenty of guided stretching exercises on YouTube.
Permission to fail
If after all this, I’m still awake, I tell myself I can always take a sick day. Cancel whatever needs cancelling. And in fact, once I tell myself that’s an option, I fall asleep.
