Cheri Bergeron had always wanted to become a mother – and after a whirlwind romance at 35, she thought she had met the one she would start a family with.
Little did she know that trying to build a life with him would cost her $1 million and a decade of turmoil.
Bergeron, now 57, had spent most of her adult life focusing on her career as a software marketing executive. She said none of the men she dated in her younger years felt like a suitable co-parent.
‘Then, when I was 35, a friend told me I’d better get moving,’ the Austin, Texas, native said. ‘So I found Prince Convenient instead of Prince Charming.’
The career-driven professional married him at 36 after just ten months of dating, and the couple began trying for a baby when she was 37.
After years of trying, the couple still couldn’t become pregnant. At 40, she sought help from a fertility clinic.
It was the beginning of the many years of heartbreak that followed, as Bergeron was told she was in perimenopause.
Perimenopause is the time before menopause when the person’s body is getting ready to stop menstruating. It is sometimes referred to as the menopausal transition, according to the Mayo Clinic.
Cheri Bergeron on the day one of her children was born
‘I was shocked,’ Bergeron said. ‘I had seen celebrities having babies in their 40s and thought it wouldn’t be a problem.
‘I wish I had been better informed about fertility and reproductive timelines.’
Bergeron then underwent IVF using a donor egg that had been fertilized with her then-husband’s sperm.
At 20 weeks, she was told their baby had a genetic condition that ‘was not compatible with life.’
‘That was hugely devastating,’ she said.
‘I had to have a medical termination, which involved carrying her for three days.
‘I just felt such a profound sense of loss. I thought I had done everything right.’
After losing their baby, the yearning mom-to-be wanted to try again – but her husband did not.
Determined to become a mother, she proceeded with treatment and her husband signed paperwork relinquishing parental rights to the remaining embryos.
They ended their marriage soon after, separating in 2012.
Bergeron poses with her baby bump, which took her years to obtain
Bergeron poses with her newborn in the hospital. She had lost two babies throughout her journey and is now a parent to two children
She had a baby boy who lived for 19 days, while his twin sister, Lauren, spent 40 days in hospital before being able to go home
Bergeron transferred two embryos in the hopes that they would take and she could complete her family.
She became pregnant with fraternal twins, a boy and a girl, but there were complications. Bergeron experienced a high-risk pregnancy and had to have an emergency caesarean section six weeks early.
‘They wheeled me into the NICU on a gurney in case it was the last time I would see my son, Brandon,’ the mom recalled.
Brandon couldn’t breathe on his own when he was delivered, so he was on a forced-air ventilator that was breathing for him.
Meanwhile, her other baby, Lauren, also showed signs of prematurity, but recovered.
‘I had two children in the neonatal ICU,’ Bergeron said. ‘After doing some genetic testing, we learned that Brandon had a rare genetic disorder that was different from the one my daughter [whom I lost at 20 weeks in utero] had.’
Her baby boy lived for 19 days. Lauren spent 40 days in the hospital, suffering complex medical needs that affected her heart, lungs and digestive system. She was eventually able to go home with her mother.
Bergeron later found out the probability of having two children with these rare diseases was in the ‘trillionths of a percent.’
‘Follow-up testing at the Mayo Clinic revealed that a chromosomal deletion was carried by my then-estranged husband,’ she said.
‘The fertility clinic hadn’t felt it necessary to do genetic testing on the man [before we started the process].’
Despite the fact that he had relinquished parental rights to the embryos, her former husband later chose to co-parent Lauren.
A year later, Bergeron decided to try for another baby using a new egg donor and an anonymous sperm donor.
Bergeron and her son Brayden swing together indoors. Seven years after she separated from her ex husband, he launched a legal challenge seeking to be recognized as Brayden’s father despite them having no biological connection
Bergeron poses for a holiday-themed photo with her child
She lives with her two children, now aged 13 and 11, and her mother, Carolyn
At 46, she had a healthy pregnancy and gave birth to Brayden at full term, two weeks before her 47th birthday.
‘Becoming a mother on my own was much easier than trying to negotiate life with an incompatible partner,’ she said.
The mom-of-two had to ‘dispel a lot of the fairy tales about the traditional family [she] had grown up with’ after becoming a single mother by choice.
‘I spent eight years trying to force-fit that classic fairy tale in my life, and so it was very liberating to let go of that.’
However, Bergeron’s battle with her ex-husband was far from over.
Seven years after they separated – they were not yet divorced – her ex launched a legal challenge seeking to be recognized as Brayden’s father, despite having no biological connection to him.
‘He’d never lived with [Brayden]. He played no role in the fertility cycle. I did it all on my own. I paid for it all on my own. He wasn’t there at the birth. I was in complete shock,’ Bergeron said.
The mother explained that said she didn’t actually believe he thought he was Brayden’s father, adding that he admitted under oath that expressing uncertainty about whether he was the biological father was a ‘legal strategy.’
‘He had previously filed paperwork when Brayden was a few months old, declaring he was not his father,’ Bergeron explained.
The mom said the reason he could still try to be named Brayden’s father was because, in the US, when a child is born during a marriage, the husband is the presumed father.
‘That presumption can be refuted through a DNA test, but there is a part of the law that says if there is a significant parental relationship with the child, then a DNA test can be blocked by the court,’ she continued.
‘I had to prove that he was not in a fatherly role and that I had not held him out as my son’s father in order to get the DNA test granted.’
Bergeron had used a new egg donor and an anonymous sperm donor to conceive Brayden at 46 years old
Building her family cost around $1 million in IVF, donor, legal and medical expenses
Bergeron is now focused on helping other women be learn about fertility so they can hopefully have an easier time than she did
She spent seven months fighting the case in 2019, which cost $250,000.
‘It was an awful time. Gut-wrenching. The whole thing felt like a nightmare. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. How in the world could a person be allowed to do this?’
The ordeal ended when the judge granted Bergeron’s request for a DNA test that then proved the man was not Brayden’s father.
‘Of course, it came back with a zero percent probability of paternity,’ she said.
Four years later, her ex – from whom she was officially divorced in 2020 – reversed his plea.
Bergeron is now campaigning for legal reform to prevent others from facing similar battles.
‘It was a huge relief to win, but just so surreal,’ she recalled, adding she feared she would lose her entire family over the legal battle and later had to seek therapy over her PTSD.
‘For seven months, our lives were turned upside down. All these outside people were weighing in on what the best interest was for my family, it felt like our life had been hijacked.’
Bergeron now has a strained relationship with her ex-husband. While they have continued to co-parent Lauren, it has been with minimal communication.
Bergeron wrote a book about her years-long experience with fertility and legal parenthood
Bergeron holds up a copy of her book, Mission: Motherhood. She also founded the non-profit Cheri’s Choice to support women who are planning their path to motherhood
The mother-of-two lives with her children, ages 13 and 11, and her mother, Carolyn.
Inspired by her experiences, Bergeron wrote a book titled Mission: Motherhood and founded a nonprofit, Cheri’s Choice, to support women planning their path to parenting.
‘Now, I’m focused on helping other women be more informed about their fertility and hopefully have an easier time than I did,’ she explained. ‘I encourage women to be proactive in planning their path to motherhood, just as they’re intentional about planning their careers.’
Building her family cost around $1 million in IVF, donor, legal and medical expenses.
‘In the end, it was worth all the pain and suffering,’ she said. ‘We are an amazing family of four [including my mom] now. I feel like I have achieved my mission. My mother has been a huge support to me throughout.’
‘[We] now have the close and loving family we were meant to have.’
Bergeron admitted that for a long time, she was locked into believing that a traditional family was the only option.
‘I thought that was the way motherhood was earned,’ she said. ‘I also didn’t realize how many different paths there are to build a family, including how sperm is readily available through sperm banks.
‘If I had been better informed from the beginning, I would have saved myself a lot of pain and expense.’
