Dear Jana,
I feel awful even writing this, but I don’t know what else to do.
My husband lost his job about a year ago and it hit him hard. At first I tried to be as supportive as possible, but over time things have changed in a way I didn’t expect.
He’s stopped exercising completely, eats poorly, plays on his Xbox all day and has put on a significant amount of weight. I can see his confidence has taken a hit, but it’s also starting to affect how I feel.
I hate admitting that, but it’s the truth.
I’ve read a lot about Ozempic and how it’s helping people who are struggling with their weight get their lives back on track, and part of me wonders if it could help him. But I have no idea how to even bring it up without completely crushing him.
I don’t want to be the wife who makes him feel worse than he already does, but I also don’t want to ignore something that’s clearly becoming a bigger issue. Is there a way to approach this, or is it something I just have to keep to myself?
Walking on Eggshells.
‘I don’t want to be the wife who makes him feel worse than he already does, but I also don’t want to ignore something that’s clearly becoming a bigger issue,’ a woman tells Jana Hocking
Dear Walking on Eggshells,
Of course, some will disagree with me – and yes, I believe that only we should have control over our own bodies.
But this isn’t just about weight, is it?
Your husband hasn’t just gained a few kilos – he’s lost what society considers the core of being a ‘man’. Holding a job and providing for the family are so deeply tied to male identity that, when men lose these things, the fall can be brutal.
I feel for the guy. What you’re seeing now is probably less about laziness and more about him feeling a bit stuck.
So let’s focus on that.
If you approach this by telling him he needs to lose weight, he’ll hear harsh criticism. If you tell him you’re worried about him, he might actually listen.
Now I wouldn’t mention Ozempic straight out of the gate. Start with how he’s been feeling, what his days look like, whether he’s okay. Open up a caring dialogue first.
A woman who thinks her husband has put on weight asks Jana for advice (stock image)
If he’s receptive, you can gently suggest there are options available. Men appreciate a solution – something that might help him regain a sense of momentum.
And honestly, I’ve seen people transform their lives with these medications. They’re not just about vanity – no matter what anyone claims. For some, they’re the breakthrough that finally lifts them out of a rut when nothing else has worked.
I’ve witnessed remarkable results in people who had exhausted every other option before trying the jabs.
But they only work if the person actually wants to change. So the real question isn’t ‘how do I tell him to go on Ozempic?’ It’s ‘how do I help him want to feel like himself again?’
Because if you can get him there, the rest will almost certainly follow.
Dear Jana,
I feel like I’ve completely lost my grip on what’s right and wrong.
My husband cheated on me with a younger woman earlier this year and eventually left. It broke me. I’ve been trying to hold it together ever since, but it’s been hard.
The other night he came over to pick up a few things and we ended up sleeping together.
It wasn’t planned. And for a moment it felt like everything was normal again.
Now, I’m sitting here wondering what that even means.
Part of me wants to tell the other woman out of sheer anger. Another part of me is wondering if this means there’s still something between us and whether I should try to get him back.
Or have I just made things messier for myself?
I feel embarrassed, confused, and still very much not over him. What do I do now?
Backsliding.
Dear Backsliding,
Okay, I’m not going to beat around the bush. Two things…
First – yes, revenge feels good for roughly 20 minutes. Then reality sets in. He still cheated on you… and now her. But – spoiler alert – she already knows what he’s like. She met him while he was cheating on you. This isn’t exactly breaking news.
So honestly, forget about blabbing to her.
And secondly, please forget about getting back together with him. Because your future self – the one who has done the hard yards, picked herself up and rebuilt her confidence – deserves so much better.
By seeking revenge or holding onto hope, you’re just setting yourself back on your healing journey. Yes, I hate that phrase ‘healing journey’, but it’s annoyingly true.
And life is too short to be wasting time and energy on people who just aren’t worth it.
If I were you, I would be booking myself into therapy, putting fun things in the diary to look forward to, and slowly shifting your focus to moving forwards instead of backwards.
It sucks that he’s put you in this position. But only you can get yourself out of it.
So that’s what you need to do. As Michelle Obama once said, ‘When they go low, we go high.’
Because let’s be honest… you’re too good for him. You’ve just got to remind yourself of that.
Dear Jana,
I don’t know if I’m being reasonable or if I’ve let my mind run away with me.
My whole family uses the Find My Friends app. We’ve got teenage kids, so it started as a safety thing, but over time it’s just become normal.
We all share our locations – except my wife. She flat out refuses. She says she doesn’t like the idea of being tracked and that it feels invasive.
I didn’t think much of it at first, but now it’s starting to bother me. If the rest of us are on it, and she tracks both me and our kids. Why won’t she let me track her as well?
I’ve caught myself wondering where she is when she says she’s ‘just popping out’ or ‘running errands’, and I hate that my brain is going there. It never used to before.
She says I’m being controlling for even asking. Am I reading too much into this, or is it a bit off that she’s the only one who won’t share?
Off the Grid.
Dear Off the Grid,
Nope. Nope. Nope. There will be no tracking.
And she is right, you are being controlling.
The reason you track your kids is because they are still growing and learning about this big, slightly terrifying world. Teenagers are built to test boundaries and take risks. So sure, sometimes they need a bit of a safety net.
I had a marvellous time partaking in underage drinking and sneaking into parties when I was their age. I often wonder how the heck I made it out alive.
So tracking the kids? Fine. Good parenting even.
But tracking your wife is a completely different thing.
She’s not a teenager pushing curfew. She’s a grown woman who gets to decide where she goes without being monitored. And the fact that you’re uncomfortable not knowing where she is says more about your level of trust than it does about her behaviour.
Because… if someone wants to do the wrong thing, a little blue dot on a map isn’t going to stop them. It’s super easy to turn the darn thing off and blame ‘being out of reception’.
Plus, I fear you may get a little too addicted to constantly seeing where she is. Chill, bro.
What you’re really asking for is reassurance in tech form, but that doesn’t come from an app. It comes from healthy communication and trust.
So instead of focusing on where she is, I think you should be asking yourself why not knowing makes you so uneasy.
Because that’s the actual issue here. Stop focusing on her, and perhaps turn that judgement on yourself.
