Sometimes, when we’re on a family holiday, I catch sight of someone watching us, trying to work out how we all piece together.
There’s Tom and Danny, who are obviously close and bantering like friends, and my three children, aged between 13 and two. Plus me, of course.
Tom, 42, and Danny, who’s 39 like me, both get called Daddy, but by different combinations of children. I can see how it might be confusing.
Occasionally, a nosy onlooker might ask: ‘So, are you here with your husband and… brother?’
‘No, Danny is my fiancé, Tom is my ex-husband. But they are good friends,’ I tell them. ‘Two of the children are mine and Tom’s. One is mine and Danny’s.’
Some particularly rude people have called us odd for the fact that my current partner and ex-husband are so close. They often go out for a beer together, without me.
But why should that be viewed as strange? I consider my ever-so blended family my proudest achievement, and the best thing for all of our children.
In fact the teachers at our children’s schools, who say they can always tell when a child is the product of an acrimonious divorce, say they wish all parents – and new step-parents – could be like us.
Elisha, left, considers her ever-so blended family her proudest achievement, and the best thing for all of her children. Pictured next to her is fiancé Danny – on the right is ex-husband Tom
Tom and I went to neighbouring schools, and have known each other since we met on a ski trip when I was in sixth form.
I trained as a vet and Tom is an operations manager. We married in 2010 and had two children: Lucca, 13, and Brody, five.
Danny and I, meanwhile, were at the same nursery school in our Essex village, where we all still live, and we have stayed in touch intermittently. Danny and Tom have always known each other, too, due to attending nearby schools and drinking in the same pubs, although the three-year age gap meant they weren’t best friends growing up – but they’re certainly much closer now.
Our lives haven’t always been so uncomplicated, though. Tom and I had a long battle with infertility before I got pregnant with Lucca, suffering multiple miscarriages along the way, partly down to my weight.
I suffered with spondylitis, a spine condition, and got so large, at 25 stone, that I was in a wheelchair. Tom was a carer to me much of the time.
Then I became pregnant with our second son Brody during Covid in 2021.
I caught the virus when I was seven months pregnant, and got so ill I had to have an emergency caesarean.
It was such a relief when he was born healthy, but it took time for me to recover. I had to learn to walk again and spent hours in the swimming pool to build up my muscles.
Tom and Elisha had a long battle with infertility before she got pregnant with Lucca, suffering multiple miscarriages along the way (pictured, Tom and Lucca)
Elisha caught the Covid virus when she was seven months pregnant with Brody, centre, and got so ill she had to have an emergency caesarean
Slowly I got better, but I knew I had to do something about my weight. In August 2021, when Brody was six months old, I got a gastric sleeve operation at a clinic in Cyprus.
My recovery was slow and hard – particularly with two children to look after – but the weight dropped off and I began to feel like ‘me’ again.
Sadly, healing from the operation and all the years spent as ‘carer and patient’ had irrevocably damaged my relationship with Tom. We’d simply grown apart and were constantly bickering in front of the children – never a good thing.
Eight months after my procedure we split. It was very amicable and we agreed on one thing from the outset: we were going to be brilliant at co-parenting. We never wanted to be those warring ex-parents who refused to be in the same room.
And we were, although I know Tom found it hard to start with, and for a while assumed we’d get back together. I, meanwhile, knew we worked much better as friends than husband and wife.
Tom even moved in with my father, which has gone well. Since my mum died from lung cancer in 2013 my dad had been on his own, so he was glad of the company and got to see a lot of his grandchildren.
The next year I began spending more time with Danny, who had moved back to the area six years prior after his relationship broke down.
His split wasn’t as amicable as mine. It broke my heart seeing him struggle over arrangements regarding his son and daughter, both close in age to Lucca.
It took about a year, but we became more than friends. It felt as if it was meant to be.
Danny and Elisha waited a few months until they knew they were committed, then planned a day out at a pumpkin patch for them all – Danny’s children, too
Their son Ari was born in 2024 and both Tom and Danny, pictured, were with Elisha every step of the way
Telling Tom wasn’t awkward or difficult. I think he’d already guessed, and he’d always got on with Danny.
As for the children, Tom and I had a strict set of rules over introducing new partners to them. Tom had gone on a few dates, and we’d always agreed we didn’t want the children to be confused by casual boyfriends and girlfriends drifting in and out of their lives.
So Danny and I waited a few months until we knew we were committed, then planned a day out at a pumpkin patch in 2023 for us all – Danny’s children, too.
It went fantastically. Danny and Tom chatted like old friends, and the children were totally relaxed with each other. I knew we could make this work.
Danny and I couldn’t believe it when, four months after we started dating, I found I was pregnant. It was a shock, but we were overjoyed to be adding to our family.
Our son, Ari, was born in 2024 and both Tom and Danny were with me every step of the way.
Tom says he sees Ari as more like a nephew and as for the other children, they don’t see any ‘step’ or ‘half’ distinctions. They are just siblings.
Although Tom isn’t in a serious relationship now, I know if and when he does meet someone, we’ll welcome her.
Tom and Danny often go out together, and if I’m struggling with school pick up, Tom will collect Lucca and Brody. If he takes the older two out he takes Ari too. No one is ever left out.
Last year, we all spent Christmas together and Danny and I announced our engagement.
Lucca said: ‘Thank goodness for that. I can finally stop calling you Mum’s boyfriend and call you my stepdad.’
I couldn’t have wished for a better reaction.
