Kelsey Parker has opened up about how she reassures her children that she will “never leave them” after the death of her baby, three years after losing her husband, Tom, to a brain tumour.
The 34-year-old podcaster revealed last month that her unborn baby, Phoenix—her first child with boyfriend Will Lindsay—was “born sleeping.”
She has now told the Daily Mail how she discussed the loss with her two children, Aurelia, six, and Bodhi, four, whom she had with Tom.
“I do think I’m a little bit of a pro now when it comes to grief,” she said. “I just did what felt natural, and I think children also guide you towards the conversations about death they’re ready to have.
“My daughter wants to talk about it all the time, while Bodhi is quieter. I take the lead when they want to talk, but I’m very open and honest.
“I don’t use phrases like someone has gone to sleep. I tell them they are dead and they’re not coming back. I’m just trying to do my best.”
Kelsey Parker has explained how she reassures her children that she will never leave them after the death of her baby, three years after her husband Tom died from a brain tumour
The 34-year-old podcaster revealed last month that her unborn baby Phoenix, her first child with boyfriend Will Lindsay, was “born sleeping”
Kelsey said the most helpful step for her children was returning them “straight back into a routine,” meaning they went back to school on the Monday after Phoenix died.
She explained that Aurelia and Bodhi are already highly aware of death after losing their father, making it especially important for them to know that she was “not going anywhere.”
“I sent my children back to school on the Monday after we lost Phoenix,” she said.
“They went straight back because I think routine is so valuable for children experiencing loss. The adults are grieving, and they hear a lot of difficult conversations.
“For them, having some normality and going to school is really positive. It’s not necessarily about school itself, but about maintaining their routine.
“They needed to see me there. I did the school pickup because they needed to know I was okay and that I wasn’t going anywhere.
“That’s particularly important because they had already lost Tom.”
She added: “They understand death and loss so well. It’s often the other children in their class who haven’t experienced it. My children talk about death, but I believe that will help make them strong adults.”
Kelsey told the Daily Mail how she discussed the tragedy with Aurelia, six, and Bodhi, four, her children with Tom
She said children help shape conversations about death, adding that Aurelia wants to discuss it frequently while quieter Bodhi prefers not to talk as much
Kelsey said she avoids euphemisms, telling her children that people who die are dead and will not return; pictured with Tom in 2021
Tom died from brain cancer in 2022 at the age of 33, four years after he and Kelsey married.
Two years after Tom’s death, the mother-of-two found love with tree surgeon Will Lindsay.
After the loss of Phoenix, Kelsey said Will had been a huge source of support. She described it as “lovely” to grieve alongside a partner, unlike the loneliness she experienced after Tom’s death.
“When I lost Tom, I didn’t have a partner, and the nights were incredibly difficult,” she told the Daily Mail.
“I love being around people, but with Tom I struggled because you can only ask your family so many times to stay at your house until you fall asleep because you don’t want to be alone.
“With Phoenix, it has been comforting to go through the experience with a partner—to have someone to talk to and someone sharing that lived experience.
“Grief is something you face every day. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about Tom or find a way to remember him. When you have shared a life with someone, they remain part of your world.”
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Kelsey said she regularly shows her children photographs and videos of their father. The family recently marked what would have been Tom’s 37th birthday during a camping trip.
During this latest period of grief, she also credited a bereavement nurse—whom she described as an “angel”—with helping her after she needed someone to speak to outside her immediate family.
Kelsey found love with Will two years after Tom’s death and said her partner has supported her through the latest loss, making it possible to grieve together
“After losing Phoenix, there were so many phone calls and difficult moments. I have a wonderful bereavement nurse whom I’ve spoken to almost every day, and she has been my lifeline,” she said.
“I’m a very spiritual person, and I believe she was sent to me for a reason. She is extraordinary, and I needed someone to talk to who wasn’t part of my family.
“She deals with baby loss and the deaths of children every day. She has been incredible—she really is my angel. That’s what I tell her.”
The podcaster also said she finds comfort in believing that Phoenix sends her signs.
“They will always remain part of you. Their energy is still there, and you notice signs. With Phoenix, they are simple things,” she said.
“White feathers, electrical things— I see so many. Whatever brings you peace while you’re grieving, whatever helps you make sense of your loss, you should hold on to it.
“You have to stay open to the signs, and you will receive whatever you need. Phoenix will always be part of me. I carried him for nine months, and that connection will never disappear.”
After the tragedy, Kelsey, Will and her two children travelled to Turkey for a “much-needed” holiday, giving the family time to process what had happened.
“It was something we really needed. We had to get away as a family, spend time together and begin processing everything,” she said.
“It was especially good for the children. Aurelia needed to leave the house and have a proper break.”
As she gradually returns to work, Kelsey is supporting the latest campaign from Virgin Media O2, developed while she was pregnant and postponed after the tragedy.
Kelsey now feels ready to take small steps forward, saying she is “taking each day as it comes,” although life in the public eye can be difficult because of the scrutiny she faces.
“I’m taking each day as it comes and trying to return to work because work helped me through grief before. But this time I haven’t gone straight back into a full workload,” she said.
Kelsey said a bereavement nurse has been an “angel” and helped her through a period when she needed support beyond her family
“With Tom, I felt I had to. I had two children to feed, care for and provide a home for, so I told myself I needed to work.
“This time I’m going to ease myself back in and continue living for Phoenix. You have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. There is a lot of judgement, and people watch what you do closely when you’re in the public eye.”
Virgin Media O2 and environmental charity Hubbub are encouraging people across the UK to back up their data and donate old mobile phones, after research found that 46% of people keep unused devices because of sentimental attachment.
To help people preserve treasured photographs, Hubbub has produced a step-by-step guide explaining how to safely back up data and wipe old phones before donating them. The process allows memories to be saved while making it easier to pass on unused technology.
The campaign marks the fifth anniversary of a scheme that rehomes phones with people who need them, helping recipients get online, access essential services and stay connected with loved ones.
Discussing the initiative, Kelsey said: “I joined the campaign while I was pregnant with Phoenix. It meant a lot to me because of Tom and the importance of our memories, but also because so many people don’t have the things many of us take for granted.
“Most of us have drawers filled with old, dusty phones, but those devices could go to people who genuinely need them—a homeless person or a woman fleeing domestic abuse. For some people, a phone is a lifeline, and that’s what inspired me to get involved.
“My journey with Tom has always involved giving back, helping others and doing as much as possible for charity. Working with Virgin Media O2 has been incredibly meaningful.”
If you have been affected by anything in this article, please contact The Lullaby Trust on 0808 8026868
