Madonna once said: ‘Everyone is interested in sex, but won’t admit it.’ Well, this week I became deeply invested in the sex life of John F Kennedy Jr and I have no problem ‘fessing up.
Yes, even 30 years after his death, women are still talking about this man like he personally invented orgasms.
When Madonna was recently asked to name the best lover of her life, she didn’t hesitate for a single second: JFK Jr. During her interview, one host pushed her further: ‘Everyone says his d*** was crazy and he was a good f***.’ Madonna’s response was a slow, satisfied: ‘Mmm hmm.’
Now, let’s remember who we’re talking about here. Madonna, who has dated athletes, actors, artists, billionaires, bad boys and enough certified sex symbols to populate a small country. She literally published a coffee-table book titled Sex. If anyone is qualified to judge Olympic-level bedroom performance, it’s her.
And it turns out, Madonna is just the latest in a very long, impressive line of women to recall JFK Jr rather more than fondly. His college sweetheart, Sally Munro, described their intimacy as ‘breathtakingly wonderful.’ Brooke Shields has touted his extraordinary kissing skills.
Personally, I think kissing has always shown a lot of insight into a man’s bedroom skills. Great kisser, great in bed. Bad kisser, dud in bed. I’m yet to be proven wrong.
But it couldn’t be just kissing. What exactly was JFK Jr doing that has women still talking about him decades after his death? Was it those famous Kennedy bedroom eyes? That full head of hair? Some ridiculously cliché blessing in the trouser department? Or something far less obvious?
Spoiler alert: It’s something far less obvious.
After Madonna said JFK Jr was the best lover of her life, I became deeply invested in his sex life and I have no problem ‘fessing up
Yes, even thirty years after his death, women are still talking about this man
Madonna is just the latest in a very long, impressive line of women to recall JFK Jr rather more than fondly
If someone shoved a microphone in my face right now and asked for a TED Talk on what made this man a sex god, I could comfortably fill ten minutes and still have time for audience questions.
So lads, grab a pen.
He made the chase the whole point
The secret wasn’t some move he was pulling in the bedroom. His special trick was seducing the women long before they got there.
The bedroom was merely where he collected his reward.
JFK Jr understood something that a staggering number of modern men seem to have completely forgotten: foreplay starts early.
When he was pursuing Carolyn Bessette, he sent flowers to her office repeatedly until she finally agreed to go on a date with him. Whether it was every day or a steady stream of bouquets has become fuzzy over time, but the core of the story has never wavered. He pursued – deliberately and without embarrassment.
Gentlemen, you have no idea how sexy that is. It allows us to sit in our feminine energy and you to sit in your masculine energy.
JFK Jr’s housekeeper also recalled him leaving handwritten notes with a single white rose on Carolyn’s pillow. Small gestures, yes – and the kind that make a woman feel genuinely, specifically, seen.
He made you feel seen
He was one of the most famous, scrutinized men on the planet and yet women consistently described feeling like the most interesting person in the room when they were with him.
That tension, between a man of enormous public power and someone who directed the focus entirely onto you, is a very particular kind of intoxicating.
Most powerful men make you feel their importance – trust me, I’ve sat through many a bad date with men like that.
But from all reports, JFK Jr had a special way of making women feel like they were the most important person in the room.
He was raised by a woman and it showed
His father was gone before he was old enough to remember him, which means the person who taught JFK Jr how to exist in the world was Jackie Kennedy – one of the most formidable women of the twentieth century.
We love a man brought up by a woman.
When he was pursuing Carolyn Bessette, he sent flowers to her office repeatedly until she finally agreed to go on a date with him
The person who taught JFK Jr how to exist in the world was Jackie Kennedy
There’s something about growing up in that orbit that gave him a fluency with women that most men never quite manage to develop.
He wasn’t baffled by us or threatened by us or secretly exhausted by us. He just genuinely liked women. As actual people. Novel concept, I know.
Women can tell the difference between a man who desires us (aka just wants sex) and a man who actually enjoys being in our company.
Being with a man who has a healthy respect and admiration for women is damn addictive.
He advertised without advertising
JFK Jr was famously, almost aggressively physical in his daily life – rollerblading through Manhattan, doing press-ups in Central Park. He was utterly unselfconscious about being in his own skin and research consistently shows that women read physical ease in a man as a strong proxy for confidence in the bedroom.
He was, without apparently trying at all, advertising. And he didn’t know he was doing it. That was the whole point.
There is nothing more effective than seeming to have no ego.
After their fling ended, Madonna and JFK Jr remained flirtatious friends and exchanged playful faxes for years.
This brings me to my main point. The difference between JFK Jr and every less-memorable man who came before or after him is actually quite simple…
He ended things well
You would be hard pressed to find a woman who came out and said he was a jerk.
Sarah Jessica Parker, who dated him for six months, called it ‘the Kennedy fiasco’ because the paparazzi attention was so overwhelming she felt she owed people an apology for being with him. Still, she described him as a ‘nice man.’
JFK Jr was famously, almost aggressively physical in his daily life
His college sweetheart, Sally Munro, described their intimacy as ‘breathtakingly wonderful’
He was utterly unselfconscious about being in his own skin
Brooke Shields turned him down because as she put it, she loved him too much to sleep with him and risk losing him.
A Brazilian TV presenter went on a single date with him and said she couldn’t eat her dinner because there was ‘a god’ sitting across from her.
So many exes and none of them with a bad word to say. That’s something far rarer than charm. He made women feel so good in his company that even the ending couldn’t spoil it.
Most men, once they’ve got what they came for, are already mentally halfway out the door. He made women want to stay in his life long after the romance was over – and more importantly, he wanted them there.
He played the long game. And judging by his reputation nearly 30 years on, it paid off spectacularly.
